


Badlands

by sweetheartbeat



Series: A song can tell a thousand stories [1]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M, Slow Build, sorry if I missed tags, this might take a while
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-18
Updated: 2016-12-13
Packaged: 2018-07-24 18:44:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 32
Words: 41,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7519180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetheartbeat/pseuds/sweetheartbeat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So this is my first ever post on here (*HOORAY!*)</p><p>This series is primarily based off of Halsey's album Badlands - I don't own any of her music or lyrics, I just get really inspired from certain lines.</p><p>This tells the story of Rosa, and how she came to be a member of the Avengers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Ghost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'm searching for something that I can't reach"

You were going to be so god damn late.

You'd never been late for anything in your life, everything with you had been drilled down into a perfect routine and schedule. But apparently today of all days was going to be the day that all of that went down the drain. 

You'd gotten out of bed with an extra half an hour placed on top of your usual morning routine just in case. You'd spent it studying all of the materials you'd been sent over for the millionth time so it was extra pounded into your head. 

You'd even left the house early to catch an earlier train just in case, but surprise surprise, it had be cancelled. Panic didn't start setting in however until you had sat down with a cup of bad coffee waiting for the next train, it finally set it's hooks in you when the display above the station announced the next three trains would also be cancelled due to problems on the track.

All but spitting your coffee out of your mouth, you rocketed yourself up the stairs and back to your apartment building where your bicycle was sitting locked up outside. Thank God you'd worn trousers today or else you'd have been flashing every single car and pedestrian you weaved in and out of your underwear. 

Adrenaline pulsing through your veins, your bike was haphazardly locked outside of the building as you rushed yourself in and into the elevator.

Two other people were already standing there as you collapsed yourself against the railings of the elevator, trying to catch your breath for a second. You could feel their eyes on you, so you turned to them with a look of harshness that made the two giants step back. 

It wasn't that you hated them for staring at you, you could just really use a minute without two men judging you for probably looking a mess.

_Oh Shit!_ \- You suddenly realised, checking over yourself in the mirror surrounding the elevator - _I do look like a mess, don't I?_

It was true, your jeans were slightly muddier than they had been when you'd left the house this morning, your hair was slightly wind swept and damp from the drizzle of the late afternoon and your black vest was slightly wonky underneath your dark brown leather jacket. 

When the elevator finally pinged, you had managed to catch your breath well enough to hold it in as you and the two other people were greeted by Tony Stark.  
Tony had been someone you'd worked with quite closely for almost a year now since you'd left the army. You almost felt comfortable in calling him a friend, you'd even hung out outside of the usual work hours - which to be honest between the two of you could have been any time of the day.

"Y/L/N!" he opened his arms to pull you in for a hug, something he knew you didn't feel comfortable with "I see you've already met our two out of time Popsicles."

Turning slowly, you finally registered the two men who had shared the lift ride with you. Your now functioning brain now recognised them as Steve Grant Rogers and James Buchanan Barnes. Captain America and The Winter Soldier. Great, so you'd probably already mucked those potential friendships up in your adrenaline fuelled haste.

"Hi," you smiled sheepishly, scratching the back of your neck before you extended a hand "Y/N."

The pair both shook your extended hand in turn, although you noticed Barnes had kept his left arm tucked into his pocket. 

"So, meeting time. Are you ready to become the newest Superhero to join the Avengers?"

You turned back to Tony with a grimace, your bottom lip being gnawed between your teeth. You opted for a shrug, not sure if your voice would give away the horrible taste in your mouth those words alone brought on. 

Tony smiled in response and threw an arm around your shoulders "Just stick with us kid," he laughed as he led you towards the meeting room "And nothing can go wrong."

\------------------------------------

It had been two weeks now, and so far you had been pushed to almost all of your limits. 

Physically, you'd been trained harder than ever before with the two super serum filled soldiers, Tony had given you a whole new insight into weapons you hadn't even begun to thought about, and at one point you'd even managed to take down Thor himself during sparring. 

And if your sore muscles were anything to go by, your nerves were just as bad. You hadn't even met all of the Avengers yet - Gods knew there were a lot of them- and you could feel yourself cracking under the pressure to please everybody. 

You'd been moved onto a floor within the tower with two other bedrooms in it besides yours. You hadn't even unpacked your stuff yet. It wasn't like it was going to take very long, the amount of stuff you had from your previous tiny apartment could fit in two boxes, but something was still stopping you. 

You knew what it was, of course. The physical strain had the cause of training, the mental one with the difficulty you found in trying to control your environment. 

You'd never settled down in your life, your family had moved all over the place, in the army you'd never been posted in the exact same position for more than a couple of months. You'd never had anywhere to call home. Even in the tiny apartment you had been given when you'd been discharged you'd felt uncomfortable, like you should be able to flee at any given moment. And this room was easily twice the size of it, even if it was only a bedroom and bathroom.

You couldn't get attached to anyone here, especially here. If people died they were gone, if people left it was worse. You'd let yourself fall for that before, and you had promised you'd never do it again. Instead you'd put up an icy wall around your heart, and despite something inside you telling you this time was different, you weren't too keen to test that hypothesis. 

So you kept to yourself as much as you could, flitting in and out of your room only as needed to go to training. The person you talked to mostly was either Stark or Banner when you would go and try to help them out in the lab on whatever it was they were working on at the moment. Even in training you opted to talk as little as possible, listening to the instructions that Rogers was giving you at any given time. 

That was, until you were caught in between a rock and a hard place with nowhere else to run to. 

It was quiet evening, so you'd chosen to take one of the books out of your boxes and headed down towards the main living area to read it with a cup of tea. It was raining, the small droplets coming down in their thousands to pound against the windows. You had curled yourself into the corner of the sofa closest to the giant windows, your book and tea long forgotten as the weather hypnotised you. 

Because of the rain and the affect it had on you, you failed to notice that the majority of the team where in here now, chatting and eating and about to watch a movie. You only realised when Maximoff sat next to you, her eyes digging into you with a quizzical look.

You snapped out of your trance instantly, staring straight at her.

"Sorry, if I'm in your way, I can-"

A long elegant finger was held up to your face, cutting off your sentence as you went to get off the sofa. Your eyes widened before you looked down to it and back up to the girl who had placed it there with a frown.

"What are you doing?" You asked around the finger, the silence and stillness of the room and everybody looking at you sending a spark of electricity down your back. You needed to get out of here, now and as silently as possible before somebody got hurt. 

"You're shutting yourself off from everybody here because you don't want us to get hurt, and you don't want to get hurt. You feel like you don't want to open yourself up because you're dangerous. But I can't see why..." Her accent made the words sound mystical as she spoke in a soft tone. She wasn't asking, she was telling you. It terrified you.  
You'd known what she was capable of, but nobody had said she'd actually do it to you.

"Just sitting next to you, I can feel it rolling off of you. You think you shouldn't be here. You feel like you're searching for something you can't reach. Like you don't belong here. Like you don't belong anywhere..." you gulped as she spoke, adrenaline pumping through your veins as the fight of flight system initiated "But I don't think you're being fair to yourself."

"Excuse me," you finally found your voice, pushing yourself off of the sofa and scrambling down the hall to who knows where, your book and the rain long forgotten behind you.


	2. Haunting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You've got a fire inside but your hearts so cold."
> 
> "I've done some things that I can't speak."

Your room was still as barren as when you'd first moved into the tower; two boxes full of your books and clothes sat at the foot of the bed. You hadn't painted the walls from the boring white colour they had first been when you got here. You hadn't even change the bed covers of the curtains from the simple and boring white way they were. 

That's where you ended up when you'd been scared by Maximoff though, in this plain boring little room. For how long you sat there with your back leaning against the mattress on the floor before there was a knock on the door, you didn't know. 

The door opened without you calling out for the person to enter. Romanoff sat herself down next to you with a huff of air leaving her perfect lips.

"Hey, Y/L/N."

You sat in silence, refusing to look at her or even acknowledge she had come into the room. Tears that had been streaming down your face had been stopped when she entered, but you could feel the moisture still lingering in your eyes and refusing to move despite your longing to not look weak in front of one of the worlds best spies.  
"Look, I know I don't know you that well - but to be fair I don't think many people here actually do. Heck, from what I've seen even Tony doesn't know that much about you and he's known you longer than anyone else here."

You scoffed slightly, stopping her from continuing.

"I don't do too well with people. You should understand why, of all people."

"You're right," she fidgeted "I get the whole thing Wanda was saying too. But I'm not the only one who does. Y/N," she turned to look at you directly "If there were ever a group of people who would be as understanding as possible about your situation and everything you've been through, I don't think you'd find them anywhere else. We're not going to push you, personally I was the one who said I'd come and talk to you so not every single one of them in there would come and barge in on you. But," she took a deep breath "And I'm only saying this because I wish somebody had told me it a long time ago - You've got fire inside of you. That's why you're here. If Coulson and Stark hadn't of seen it you would still be wherever it was you were before. But you can't let your heart keep being cold, not here. Or you'll end up back where you started. We're a team. We need to know you before you can be a part of it." 

When you remained silent for a while, she sighed and stood up, dusting her hands off of her blue jeans "I've said my piece. Just think about it." She went to leave, her hand just reaching the door handle when you finally spoke up.

"I've done some things that I can't speak."

She stopped, turning to face you with a look of sadness "I've got a lot of red of my ledger too. But this is our chance to wipe it off with the help of others."

You nodded, wiping your cheeks harshly, you looked her directly in the eye "Thank you, Romanoff."

"Any time," she smiled,before pointing an elegant finger at you "But if you call me anything other than Natasha or Nat again we are going to have a problem."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heya :3  
> Thank you guys so much for your comments, it was so cool to actually see people enjoying my writing!  
> I have all of my prompts and everything ready so hopefully I should be updating soon. I have like three whole stories going on in my head. Please keep letting me know how I'm doing so I can figure out which way to really take this <333


	3. Young God

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Oh baby girl, don't get cut on my edges"

When your eyes fluttered open drowsily the next morning, the first thing that hit you was the strong smell of coffee coming from somewhere very close by. 

Rolling your head to the left of you bed, you saw a steaming cup of actual proper coffee sitting there, begging for you to pick it up and drink it.  
You squished up to rest on the headboard of the bed, happily smiling as you picked up the plain black mug. The condensation had caused it to pick up the small piece of paper that had been left underneath it reading:

_We're in the kitchen if you finally decide to wake up - Nat._

You couldn't wipe the smile off of your face. It had been forever since someone had done something this nice for you. Maybe that said something about how and who you were living your life with up until this point. 

You swung your legs over the side of the bed and, still clutching the mug, made your way out of the room and into the elevator to find Nat on the common kitchen floor. She wasn't the only one there, Maximoff, Rogers, Banner, Barnes and Wilson were already in there, leaning on or against the kitchen counter.

Or rather, Wanda, Steve, Bruce, Bucky and Sam were. If you were going to make this work you were probably going to get a bit more personal than using every bodies last names. After all, it had worked in the army, but this wasn't a constant war zone. This was a team, and you had to make it work.

Wanda beamed at you when she noticed you coming in and clutching your mug like it was the only thing keeping you alive.

"Morning," she slide off of her bar stool and came straight towards. Even though she was about the same height as you, if not somewhat smaller, the look of determination in her eyes made you take a step back.

"Sorry," she grimaced, holding up her hands "I didn't mean to startle you. I just felt so bad about last night that I wanted the first thing out of my mouth to be an apology. So I'm sorry if I pushed you too far, I just get carried away sometimes. Especially with someone like you, I mean there's so many layers and I just want to find out and..."

As gently as you could, you laid a hand on her right shoulder, offering what you hoped was a warm smile.

"All is forgiven. It made me think actually, and I've decided to come and interact with you all like normal people, so silver linings."

Wanda beamed in return and threw her arms eagerly around your neck. You gulped, hand shooting out so you didn't accidentally spill your coffee down her back.

"Wanda, baby steps, remember?" Nat chided from across the breakfast bar.

You looked at the red head thankfully as you were released, Wanda scurrying back to stand besides Sam as you lent opposite from Nat, in between Bucky and Bruce.

The rest of the group continued chatting happily, munching on whatever it was the Avengers ate for breakfast. You looked around them all, paying close attention to their faces. You knew most of their stories, most of their background and abilities; and yet here they were just chatting over various breakfasts as if it was the most normal thing in the world. And, for them, you supposed it was. A rare day off of crime fighting to take some R and R before some idiot decided to try and take over the world again. You studied each of their faces and postures carefully, going round in the circle, their body language, until your eyes landed on the man to the right of you. 

Bucky looked uncomfortable to say the least, he seemed lost in the conversation as his eyes kept flickering to you every one in a while. You wandered for a second what had caused it before you realised with a mental face palm.

You were standing on his left. In your eagerness to emerge yourself into something new, you'd accidentally brushed against and were now continuing to lean on his metal arm. And you hadn't even noticed until now. Something in you felt like you should back up and apologise when you caught his eyes and you realised he knew you had just realised.  
But you didn't. It was like something had magnetised you to him - no pun intended. It felt like you were physically attached to the man, unable to move or even talk as the pair of you had a strange sort of staring competition.  
And then something inside of your snapped, and the memories flooded to the forefront of your mind.  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------

The first time you remember seeing him, you were eight years old. He had been in the sparring room where you'd been looking for your mother. He was fighting her, training now you realised. But at the time it looked like he was going to kill her. 

You had screamed out of fear spawned from your childish innocence. Your mother hadn't even blinked, but The Soldier... He stopped, looking at you with a fear in his eyes so deep and painful that it had forced you to take a step back. 

Your mother had taken this chance to take The Soldier down, his distraction caused by you.

The beating from your mother that night was one of the worst you'd had since you'd been in that location. And you'd been kept away from him for the longest amount of time possible.  
When you reached your twenties and you were more involved in your families 'business', you saw him almost constantly. Whether it was working on his arm with your father or training with your mother or even him some times, he was a near constant of your late teens and early twenties.

If he was anything, he was human. Something within you longed for time alone with him, to tell him it was OK, that it wasn't his fault he was being made to do these things. You wanted to hug him and make him feel better. But you weren't allowed to. Until somebody fucked up.

You were left alone, just the two of you in your fathers lab. You'd been working on your final project for university, your eyes gazing into the beautiful blue of his eyes whilst your father worked on him. You knew he was watching you whenever he could get away with it.  
When your father left the room, he finally spoke.

"I know you."

"Yeah. I'm Doctor Ostavlyat's daughter."

"You don't look Russian."

"I don't speak much of it either," you shrugged "But it's the family language."

"You don't look anything like your parents."

That caught your attention. Your eyes shot up to look at him, boring into his soul. Checking to see if your father was coming before rushing over to him "What do you know about my family?" you whispered in a rush.

"Doll, I barely know anything about myself," he chuckled, leaning back in his restraints.

"Right. The machine," you could see him flinch out of the corner of your eye "I just, I don't feel like I belong with them. To them. Whatever. This," you gestured around the room and landed on him "Isn't right. What's going on here. What they do to people, to you..." you rested your hand on the edge of his chair "It's cruel."

Silence passed between the two of you for a long stretch, his tongue flicking out from between his teeth to tease at his bottom lip.

"Ostavlyat... It means leave. Maybe that's some kind of messed up prophecy. You're meant to leave them."

You shrugged, smiling despite yourself. "And leave you, when this is the most conversation I've gotten out of you in all these years? When somebody needs to be here to stop them, at least my family, for going to far?" You trailed off slightly again, hand running up against the side of his rough stubble covered face "I don't think I could do that to you."

"Oh baby girl," he laughed, not moving away from your hand "You'd only-"

\---------------------------

"They dragged me away," you murmured, more to yourself than to reason with him "Every time I got close to you, they dragged me away and wiped me so that I wouldn't remember you."

The sad smile that graced his lips made you feel as if you were going to faint. He was already so different to how you had known him within the confines of the compounds you'd both been kept in. He seemed lighter somehow, more like the tiny glimpses of an actual person you'd occasionally seen was finally coming through to become the whole person.  
"Just don't get cut on my edges," he smirked, bumping his left arm softly into you.

You just looked at him, a smile spreading widely over your lips before you turned back to the group and continued chatting as if nothing had even happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooooo? I wanted to give a little bt of the characters back story without revealing too much too soon. My English Professor was always complaining about not being able to understand a character and not having mystery to them, which always annoyed me cause you can't have both - it's a paradox.  
> Anyway, hopefully his balance was ok for you guys.  
> Oh, and for those who didn't know - Y/N is your name and Y/L/N is your last name.  
> Thank guys!


	4. "I'm more of a cat person"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt is bolded

After a while of living in The Tower with what amounted to a bunch of giant nerds and misfits, you should have been used to getting into situations you would have talk yourself out of.

 

True, there had been worse situations than this in your life, but there had been easier ones than this too. It had become a tradition within the Tower after the first time you ever cooked for them, you would go to the markets and get ingredients every third Friday of the month you would cook for whoever was in the tower at the time.

Rain had began plummeting down, covering every single surface and drenching you through to your core when you had heard the small whining noise coming from nearby.  
And now here you were, sat on your bed, the dog wrapped up in your arms, snuggling into your jacket to try and get some warmth. He clearly wasn't owned by anybody, his fur was matted and overgrown into his eyes, he had small cuts on his paws and he had been left down a water drain.

Luckily nobody else had been around when you had snuck him into your room, wrapped him up in a towel to try and dry him off slightly.

Whatever kind of dog he was, he was cute. Fast asleep curled up on your blanket. Sure he was messy and dirty, but he'd been left in a drainage ditch for crying out loud. Tony wouldn't like it, but it wasn't like you were going to keep him. You were just going to dry him off and take him to the vets to get him checked out before you gave him to an adoption shelter.

"I'm more of a cat person," you mumbled to yourself, looking over at the sleeping mut before you picked up your mobile and typed in the number you'd written down for the vets surgery.

There was a sharp knock at the door right as the receptionist picked up the phone and announced the name of the Vets Surgery. You hurried over to the door hurriedly as you spoke quickly into the receiver, opening the door as slowly and as little as possible just in case it was Tony.

Bucky stood there, a confused look on his face as he watched your strange behaviour. Rolling your eyes, you pressed your finger to your lips to tell him to be silent and opened the door for him to come in.

By the time you had turned back around from being done on the phone, Bucky was sitting on the floor next to your bed, the mangy mutt tucked neatly into the crook of his metal arm, belly in the air as he rubbed it affectionately.

He looked up at you, eyes sparkling "You didn't tell me you were getting a dog."

"I'm not," you huffed, sitting on the bed so your legs were next to the two boys "I'm a cat person. I just couldn't leave him to die in a drain."

 

Bucky looked at you, clearly shocked "He was just left? But he's so cute!" the brunette turned back to the pup, rubbing it's belly once more "Aren't you, little one?"

 

You chuckled softly "Yeah, well Tony would have a hissy fit if he found out so I'm going to take him to the vets now and then he's going straight to an adoption centre."

"Y/N, no." Bucky looked at you with such intensity that you almost flinched "You can't just leave him."

"Buck," you sighed "It's not a big deal, dogs gets abandoned and adopted all the time. He'll find a good family."

"But," Barnes mumbled, looking at you softly "You found him when he needed you, you can't leave him. It's fate."

You gulped, taking your lower lip into your mouth to chew it slightly. Was Bucky getting attached to this little runt already? Was he actually asking you to keep him?

 _Maybe he sees something of himself in the dog,_ you mind wandered. You shook it off, standing up and grabbing your jacket from the bed once again "Either way he needs to go to the vets and get checked for fleas and ticks and stuff."

"So you'll think about it?" Bucky gleamed, standing up with the dog now gnawing at his metal arm.

"Maybe. Come on, we need to get him checked out.

 

\-----

 

Half an hour later, and the smile still hadn't left Bucky's face. Y/N had gotten a dog. She was a cat person and she had gotten a dog. Because he had asked her to. Bucky couldn't remember a time when somebody had actually done something for both himself and themselves. Looking at Y/N now there was no doubt that this was for her too, the way she would affectionately stroke the dogs head or mutter things to him.

 

"We still need to come up with a name," he mumbled as he led the three of them into his room and flopped on the bed, the dog instantly jumping on top of his chest.  
Y/N chuckled, making Bucky look at her. God that sound was like a drug to him, he wanted to hear it all day every day. But that wouldn't be right. Friends didn't think of other friends like that. And that was what he and Y/N were, friends.

 

"Well the nurse said he was a podenco, right?" Y/N muttered, smiling affectionately when she sat on the edge of the bed and the young dog tried to pull her down by her sleeve "That's spanish."

 

"So a spanish name?" Bucky gulped as she gave into the dog and lay down next to him, turning so she was lying on her side with her hand under her head and facing him.  
"Zorro," she murmured after a moment's pause "Zorro, come here baby," she called, wiggling her fingers for the pup to pounce on.

 

Bucky laughed lightly, suddenly feeling exhausted from the day of training, and more comfortable and warm with Y/N and Zorro next to him than he had felt in a bed in years.  
"So much for being a cat person," he mumbled, eyes closing as he let himself fall into the easy feeling of peace that washed over him.

 

"Shut up Barnes," came the soft response from the other side of the bed. He could feel as Y/N sank deeper into the bed, making him smile "Go to sleep."

 

"Yes Ma'am."


	5. Castle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "If you wanna break these walls down, you're going to get bruised."

"So," Nat clapped her hands when everybody had finally finished eating their breakfast "You," a long finger was pointed right at you "Your room is abysmally depressing. First of all we clearly need a clothing shopping spree, because your wardrobe options are," you looked up and down you overly baggy white men's shirt and black shorts "Minimal. Plus your room needs seriously changing. You're coming."

It wasn't a question.

"And so are this lot to help us carry everything, because who doesn't use super soldiers and gods when you have them to carry your shopping?"

"One problem there," you cocked an eyebrow at her "Not that I'm not saying we probably should do that - I have no where near enough money to do all of that in one go."

A cough behind you made you turn. Tony was standing there, his arms outstretched in a grand entrance fashion "Are you forgetting whose Tower you're living in, dear Y/N? Go, customise your room and wardrobe. Go crazy. Take it this time in return for those Christmas and birthday presents you refused to let me buy you before."

"Are you sure," you bit down on your lip, nervousness suddenly filling you at the prospect of having more money than you'd ever had in your life. "I mean, I could end up bankrupting you. You might not want to be so generous."

"Deal with it," he smiled, wrapping arm arm around your shoulder carefully "But, you do have to do one thing for me."

"Oh God Tony, look you're my friend but I am not getting sexual with you."

"First of all, rude. Second of all, you'd love to have a piece of this." he gestured down his body, one eyebrow raised "Third of all, it was only a simple question."

"Sure," you rolled your eyes playfully at him "Shoot."

"Why are you suddenly being so buddy buddy with everybody after basally icing me and refusing to call me a friend for almost a year?"

You shrugged as nonchalantly as possible "If I'm going to die doing this, I might as well be as happy as possible when I do - right? Having friends kind of helps with that."

"Fair enough, here," he slid a card from between his fingers as if by magic, one of the most sincere smiles you had ever seen on the man gracing his face "Now go, my little fledgling, be free!" 

\----------------------------------------

It took you, Bucky, Steve, Wanda, Nat and Sam the entire day to get your room to look somewhat like somebody actually lived in it. Bruce had excused himself out before you'd even left for the stores, opting to stay behind with Tony and work on something they were both referring to as B.A.R.F. You were pretty sure you didn't want to know, but it sparked your curiosity all the same so you made a mental note to ask them about it later.

Your walls were now a beige color, your floor covered in black carpet tiles. The adjacent bathroom had already been fitted with some kind of super pressurised jet filled bath shower combination you'd already very much enjoyed, but now the bathroom was completed with toiletries, medications and first aid kits (Three to be exact, just in case, Steve had said in the shop, you can never be too careful.)

The bedroom itself filled you with a pride you never thought you'd feel from somewhere you lived. The double bed that had already occupied the room was now shoved into one corner with a vintage grey storage trunk at the foot of it and covered in a stripe duvet of your favourite colour. Your books, which had taken up the majority of your two boxes, now stood proudly on a light grey wooden bookshelf, on which you'd also insisted on putting all of the movies you had bought today on it, as well as the board games, candles and cacti. 

You could even say that you know owned a wardrobe with mirrors on the inside full of clothes you actually liked, and a desk with an awesome laptop, iPad, ipod, new phone. Basically any technology you'd ever wanted but never been able to afford.

Behind the desk there was some kind of button, that when you pressed the section of wall behind it turned into a mirror with brilliant lighting so you could do your makeup (Of which you now owned so much it was impossible. Whilst you had been living it up in the Thrift stores looking for thing to go on your bookshelves or old movies or new books for yourself, Nat and Wanda had gone absolutely crazy in the makeup store. On your behalf of course.) 

Chatter filled the room as everybody relaxed against any surface they could, Natasha on the floor with Steve, Sam and the majority of the cushions that had previously been line up neatly on your bed. You and Bucky sat opposite them, leaning against the bed that Wanda was lounging on - all of you completely exhausted. You allowed your head to loll backwards onto the bed tiredly as the others continued chatting.

You'd let out a whole side of you that you didn't even know you knew you had inside of you until now. You were fun, making bad jokes, laughing at other people's jokes, being a little flirty with the boys, being softer and more like a human being than you'd actually felt in years. You had shared more of yourself with these people in the last eight hours than you had with anybody else in your entire life. 

"I think I need a drink," you mumbled, more to yourself than to anybody else.

"I'll call Tony," Sam piped up "If it's a party you want, I'm sure he'll be more than happy to start it up." 

You couldn't help but laugh "No, Sam," you patted his arm "I just need something to drink. I'm pretty sure, from what I have seen of you guys, it won't just be me for long."

"Well it is movie night," Steve said "We could probably do with shifting gears rather than doing the same thing over and over again."

"Since when do you like change?" Bucky smirked, his left arm dangling lazily behind your head.

Steve shrugged in response "What? I can't want to do something different than eat pizza and watch some movie I barely understand?"

Bucky let out an honest to god laugh. You turned to him, a smile tugging at the corner of your mouth as you watched him throw his head back with it. He really was a lot more at ease now, like the person you used to see within the compounds really had gone. Or maybe he was just really good at covering that part. Either way, you'd prefer to think it was the former rather than the latter.

"Drinks it is then. FRIDAY, let Stark know what we're going to do."

"Yes, Miss Romanoff."

There was a pause of silence. Turning to see Wanda dangling off of the bed, her head next to you, you chuckled softly. She smiled in response, seemingly enjoying the silence when it happened.

Something very similar to the shot of electricity you had felt the other night when she had tried to get past your mental blockades found your spine and quickly spread out towards your outer extremities.

Air quickly filled your lungs as you gasped, she was inside your head. But not in the way she had been before when she hadn't managed to scratch much more than the surface, but deep into the harshest parts of your memories, some of which you didn't even know you had. 

Images flashed in front of your eyes, filling your minds eyes with memories long forgotten or snatched away from you. She knew, oh Gods she knew about your past. About your family. All of it was right there, and you could feel her watching them with you like some kind of warm presence. 

"No, no, no, no, stop it!" You clutched your head as you crawled backwards as fast as you possible could. You needed to get away from her, you couldn't deal with the images all rushing into you at a hundred miles per hour and all at once. There was too much pain, too much intensity to it. You felt too weak, too vulnerable. You hated it. Your eyes closed as you clutched your fists over them.

"Y/N..." Bucky's voice was soft in your ear, calling you back from the dark pit the memories had sent you spiralling into "I'm going to move your hands away, OK? It's OK, you're safe. Nobody is going to hurt you here."

When he removed your hands his face was looking at you with such concern you almost flinched. A touch of pain reached his blue eyes as he saw what you were doing. Of course it did though, he'd been in this position. He'd had the memories tormenting him and trying to take over his head. He knew exactly what this was.

"I'm fine," you breathed, relaxing your hands from their fists, but Bucky still kept a hold of your wrists until you stood up shakily. Even then he insisted on standing very close to you. It worked as a comfort to you, something you assumed he had learned during his time of this. 

"Just, maybe don't go that deep again, Wanda," you could feel your whole body shaking as you spoke "If we want to break those walls down one of us is going to get bruised."

Silence penetrated the room again, seeping into every single crack. It came so thick that you jumped when FRIDAY broke it.

"Mr Stark says the food is already on it's way and that he and the others will meet you ll in the common living area."

"Thank you FRIDAY," Nat stood up, rubbing your arm softly "Drink?"

"Gods yes," you sighed, following her out of the room and temporarily away from the darkness that lurked within your mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I kind of fell through a wormhole that sucked all of the creativity and colour out of life. Luckily I found a wizard who guided me back to reality.


	6. Hold Me Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hold Me Down - "It's the devil that's trying to hold me down." AND Roman Holiday - "'Cause I remember when my father put his fist through the wall that separated the dining room."

"Two truths one lie is boring, so I propose a different version of the game."

A chorus of groans came from the rest of The Avengers as Tony talked. You smiled, curling your legs up around yourself on the sofa as you watched this unfurl. From what Wanda had said, even in the time she had been here she had seen Tony come up with some of the most stupid drinking games that she had ever heard of where the only goal visible was to get everybody else completely knocked out. You asked her if that was the point of most drinking games, to which she just shrugged and mumbled something about not really knowing.

"No, no, hear me out!" Tony's voice was slightly slurred already from however many drinks he had already had, probably a few more than you, but by the looks of it, not much less than Clint who was rocking slowly back and forth. "You can do it normally, OR, or you can tell all truths or all lies. If you do that and you manage to dupe everybody then everybody else has to drink. If you don't manage to get it past us, you have to down the rest of your drink."

"I'm in," you smiled, dragging some of the beer out of your glass bottle in your hands. Why the hell not? It wasn't like they knew much about you anyway, this would be easy.

"Thank you, Y/N! At least someone is reasonable," Tony shot a look towards Bruce who wasn't touching his drink "Why don't you start us off?"

"OK, um, let me think." you paused, debating what to go with here. What the hell, none of them knew most of this stuff, why not go all out?

"OK, One," you held up a finger "I served in the army for just under four years straight after University. Two," you held up another finger "My parents were high ranking in HYDRA and three..." you paused as if you were trying to come up with a good lie "I joined the army because my fiance got violent."

You expected an explosion of chatter as everybody tried to figure out which was the lie, but nothing happened. Quiet concentration covered most of their faces, and some of them looked down right shocked.

"Well, I don't believe the army one. You don't hold yourself like a soldier." Sam offered up the first answer, tipping his beer bottle towards you.

Tony mimicked a wrong buzzer from a game show, earning a groan from the man next to him "You were what, a Sergeant?"

"Sergeant Major, thank you very much. Who's next?"

"Well then it has to be the HYDRA one," Steve grimaced somewhat, leaning forward in his seat as if he was very agitated "you wouldn't have been allowed into our team if you had ties with HYDRA."

"That one's true," Bucky piped up from beside you. He'd refused to leave your side since the incident with Wanda in your bedroom, like he was working as a security blanket for you. Not that you were complaining. He wasn't exactly bad to look at and you enjoyed his company. "Ostavlyat, currently MIA."

You nodded to confirm, ignoring the look Nat was giving you from having only just found this out "Just because they were doesn't mean I was or currently am one of them or even a sympathiser."

"So the engagement?" Bruce frowned "I could have sworn you mentioning something about that before."

"Yep, that one's true."

That caused outcry.

Nat was the first one to exclaim in disbelief, quickly followed by nearly everybody else.

"What?" you frowned, taking another sip of your drink "We met in school, I though I was in love, he asked, I said yes, he cheated, I confronted him about it, he got violent, I left. Simple. Open and closed book."

Quiet quickly filled the room again.

"I want to know more about these parents of yours," Steve was not going to let this go, you could see it in his eyes, a look you yourself had gotten before.

"Anna and Alexei Ostavlyat. Mother was the head of training wherever we went, she trained him a lot I think," you jabbed your thumb towards Bucky "Father was some kind of high ranking scientist. I don't know if they were my real family, but they were all I had. Not that they treated much like you'd expect a family to treat you. It was a painful relationship in multiple ways. I don't have many memories before I was eight years old, and even after that some parts are patchy. Like they've just been stolen or destroyed. I certainly never looked like either of them, or my brother. He didn't look like them either though. I lost contact with them as soon as I signed up for the army. The people above my parents never seemed to pay much attention to me anyway, not that I'd have been interested if they'd have asked." you shrugged again, trying to shake off the uneasy feeling that had rested at the pit of your stomach thanks to your sharing your story with all of the others in the room. A warm hand rested on top of yours, you followed its arm to see Bucky looking down at you, a soft smile on his lips. You tried your best to swallow around the lump in your throat, smiling back somewhat sadly at him.

Butterflies pounded your stomach as he squeezed your hand in a reassuring way, you teeth biting down on your bottom lip. Could you blame the drink for this? For this feeling that you so did not want to give into?

Nobody else was talking again, soaking in your back story. In some ways, it made you feel sick to have been this vulnerable in front of them. You'd definitely blame the drink for that in the morning; but it had also left you feeling lighter and more free than you'd felt all of your life. Like sharing that part of your life with your new friends, new family, was the right thing to do. So maybe you wouldn't be blaming the drink for it. 

The chatter started up again slowly as you and Bucky shared a moment that seemed to last forever, whoever was next was taking their turn now. Everybody was moving on from it. It was a part of your history and it made you who you were, but you couldn't bring yourself to think much about it as the game continued, the constant presence of Bucky on your arm or your hand or even his arm rested on the sofa behind you distracting you from everything else for the rest of the night.

By the time you all went to bed, you felt wrung out and worried. As you fell into bed, one thing was on your mind. Well, one man.

You couldn't though. Surely not, you hadn't even known him that long.

But you had. You'd known him all of your life, even if you couldn't remember all of it. And from what you could remember, you'd been wiped for getting to close to him before.  
_Well, fuck_ \- you admitted to yourself as you closed your eyes and threw an arm over your face - _I've got a crush on Bucky Barnes._


	7. This Means War

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony should have known better

Tony just _had_ to ignore you when you had warned him not to fuck with you today. Today of all days, you could feel the tiredness and fatigue setting into your bones. Natasha had been pushing you to all of your physical and mental capabilities, and for once you just could not be bothered with Tony's sassy ass mouth when he opened it. You snapped at him to shut the fuck up or leave you alone, turned on your heel and stormed off to bed.

The next morning after a good sleep you were going to go and apologise to the man. You knew he didn't deserve it, it was just who he was as a human being, part of him always had to have some kind of sarcastic comeback or mildly digging comment. He didn't mean any of it, he was like a brother to you. 

So as you clambered out of the shower and got dressed, you knew how you were going to say sorry to him. A nice cup of coffee in the chalkboard style mug with a chalk message on it would do nicely, not one for missing the subtlety in it either, you were sure Tony would laugh it off and things would be back to normal. 

Oh how _wrong_ you were.

As you went to grab your hair dryer that morning, you turned it on and a wave of white powder sprayed from it and hit you in the face. 

You eyes widened as you tried to catch your breath. 

There was only one person who dared to fuck with you after you had been in such a clearly bad mood last night.

"STARK!" You hollowed as you stormed out of your room and down to the communal area where you knew he would be having his morning coffee. 

"Morning, Y/N," Tony beamed at you, barely hiding his smirk as you leaned over him and tried to be threatening "You've got a little something in your hair there." 

The growl that came from your throat wasn't human, the anger evident on you face as you glared into Tony's soul.

"Oh, it's on, bitch."

\------------------

Obviously you had to give it a few days so Tony would be on the edge the entire time. To be honest, it was hilarious just that alone. Seeing him jump every time you silently entered a room, trying to guess when where and how you were going to strike. 

You knew it was childish, but the competitive side in you couldn't help but get excited and the chance of beating him at what he saw as his own game. 

Starting off small was the best way to do this, then you could end with a bang.

While Tony was off on one of his business science things you didn't pay much attention to anymore, you went to work. In the fridge of the communal kitchen there was a carton of orange juice with a large sticker on it reading: **THIS BELONGS TO TONY. DO NOT DRINK.**

Smirking, and sending a quick text to Clint just to make sure he actually did listen to Tony's labels this time, you snuck out and waited.

The next morning you woke up early, waiting in the kitchen with a glass of your own orange juice. Steve was sitting next to you, the pair of you cheating happily about the day's training he had in store when a bleary eyed Tony wandered into the kitchen. 

You felt Clint's eyes on you, you looked over and winked as Tony poured himself a large glass of seemingly harmless orange juice. As soon as he took a large gulp, he was over the sink trying to get it all out of his mouth. 

Your laughter echoed around the room, waking up some of the more tired avengers to come see what was happening.

Tony glared at you "Mac and Cheese powder, Y/N, really? Childish much?" 

"Oh Puh-Lease," you giggled, slapping him on the shoulder "I can't exactly start with my biggest prank, can I?" 

\--------

The prank war raged on for another three solid days before you actually started using your brain power. 

Tony put pictures of Nicholas Cage on every single surface in your room, so you changed some of his autocorrects with hilarious consequences. Tony painted over your soap with nail polish so it wouldn't work so you put green food coloring on his toothbrush. It wasn't until he wrapped all of your furniture in your room in tin foil that you started to get annoyed,mostly with the effort you had to put into undoing these pranks. 

If he wanted to play you would play. 

So you out hair dye into his conditioner. The next day when he finally found you sitting on the sofa with Bucky watching a new Disney movie, bright blond and furious, your laughter was replaced with an evil smirk. 

"Hey Steve, oh wait," you smugly said "Didn't recognize you there, Tony."

"This isn't funny, Y/N." He growled, towering over you. Beside you, Bucky let out a soft chuckle, you looked over and beamed at him in response before turning back to Tony.

"I don't know, I'd say it's pretty damn hilarious."

"You want me to get grown up on you here?"

You shrugged, opening your arms out "Bring it, old man. You were the one who wanted to prank a modern soldier. Where do you think I learnt all of this?"

Tony stormed off, muttering something under his breath about revenge as you reverted to peals of soft laughter and Bucky's warm smiles.

\------

It was three in the fucking morning when you were woken up.

Your phone, which you had stupidly left out on the side in the kitchen of your floor was ringing constantly. Whoever they were, they were determined.

Storming out of bed, you picked up with a little more softness in your voice than you had been planning to use "Bucky, what's wrong?"

"I need you to come to the labs right now, I really need your help."

Behind you, Wanda and Natasha were frowning, you shrugged to them in confusion before shooing them back to bed and clambering into the elevator.

"I'm on my way. But what's so important it couldn't wait until I was actually awake?"

"You'll see," Bucky sighed in response.

When you entered the labs, nothing seemed out of place. The work Tony had been doing still sat on his desk half finished, Bruce's desk looking like it had just been freshly cleaned in comparison.

"Bucky?" You whispered, trekking silently "Where are you?"

"Up here," came his exhausted response. 

There, dangling from the ceiling by his metal arm, James Buchanan Barnes, looking very sheepish.

"Son of a bitch," you muttered, running a hand over your tired face "Bucky, what-?"

"Told you I'd get grown up, Y/L/N," Tony laughed from behind you "I will burn everything you love," he whispered mockingly as he passed you to stand crossed armed below the super soldier.

"Let him down, Stark,. You grumbled, keeping your eyes on the billionaire.

"Only if you admit I won."

"Fine, you huffed, slumping your soldiers down in defeat "You win, you're the king of all pranks. Now please, for the love of Gods, let Barnes off the ceiling so we can all go back to sleep."

Tony seemed to crumble slightly in seeing how easily you had been defeated, letting Bucky down from the ceiling with a resounding thud. Stark wandered off, down towards the elevator and back to his floor.

"Thanks, Y/N," Bucky mumbled, coming over to stand next to you "I'm sorry I made you loose the prank war."

"Oh, I'm not giving up," you beamed at him, looking at him carefully to make sure he wasn't too badly hurt "Its just more fun if Tony doesn't see it coming."


	8. Fireworks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Give me one good reason why I should let you of all people buy a cart full of fireworks."

Half the fun of shopping with the Avengers was seeing the boys try to disguise themselves underneath tipped caps and sunglasses. 

Currently, Steve, Bucky, Tony, Natasha and yourself were getting ready to go out and get things for Steve's birthday party.

Tony had insisted on it being a grand affair, but you had put your foot down on Steve's behalf, managing to convince him that it didn't have to be the kind of party that Tony wanted because Steve was sure as hell not Tony.

"You can still come with me to get the decorations so it's a little bit of a surprise, right?" Tony blinked his eyes down at you, trying to convince you by giving you puppy eyes. 

Classic.

Sighing and putting a hand on your hip, you gave him a look that tried to say 'Seriously'.

"Pretty please?"

"The physical nature of the please is not going to change my feelings on the matter," you grumbled "But fine. I'll help you whilst the others distract him."

The car ride was full of chatter. You drove, not trusting the two grandpas or even Tony to get you there without killing everybody in the car or managing to get lost. Soft music drifted from the stereo as you went, easily taking the corners and enjoying the breeze that brushed your hair around from your window.

Bucky was in the passenger's seat beside you, leaving Tony and Steve in the back with Natasha squished in the middle.

"Why did I have to go in the middle, Y/N?" she complained, trying to get comfortable "I'm so squished."

"Because," you replied, tongue peeking out of your mouth and you navigated around the large parking area "If Bucky was in the back Tony probably would have killed him, and you're the shortest which means I can actually vaguely see what I'm doing in the rear view mirror."

Once you were parked, you divided the group, Natasha and Steve heading over to get all of the food he wanted for the party (How you had managed to convince Tony to relinquish so much power over this you would never know.)

Bucky followed you around, staying close to your side. He'd mentioned before that going into large public places still made him nervous and that having you there would be easier for him.

You could see him now out of the corner of your eyes, eyes flitting around the area for any small or slight sign of a threat, a chance to run. 

You grasped his hand as if it was nothing, forcing yourself to ignore the butterflies in your stomach protesting this small action. Bucky needed you as a friend right now, and as you felt the leather on his metal hand relax into you, this was right. It was just you reminding him that you were here, and that nothing bad was going to happen to him whilst you were. 

Tony suddenly ran in front of the pair of you like a child you had just spotted a candy shop when the party store came into view.

"Come on losers, we've got shopping to do."

In fairness to Tony, he did listen to you as the three of you went around and put things into the trolley Bucky had offered to push. He hadn't tested you too much, resoundingly giving up quite quickly whenever you said no to something that was just too over the top.

Clearly, he was planning something. This couldn't end well.

You were looking at some of the alcohol at the moment with Bucky, Tony having stolen the cart and promising to be right back if you picked out the drinks. You probably should have realised something was wrong there right then, after Tony had been the one to tell you your taste in alcohol was about as good as a cat trying to swim.

When the cart came back round the corner and you looked to see it was now full of things you hadn't allowed, a glare formed in your eyes, shooting directly at the cocky look on Tony's face.

"Y/N, before you say anything, I have to."

"Tony," you sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose tightly "Give me one good reason why I should let you buy an entire cart full of fireworks."

"Because if you don't let me get them now, I will order special ones online. Or better, I could just make some. After all, how hard could it be to..."

"Blow everybody's eyebrows off?" Bucky chimed in, making you laugh despite your frustration at the billionaire. Looking up from your hand tiredly, you half smiled at the man and shrugged.

"Fine, I've taken away enough of your things for this. You can have the fireworks, but you don't touch a single other thing when the day actually comes. You leave _all_ of it to me. Capisce?"

"Understood, Ma'am."Tony mockingly saluted you, earning a slap on the upside of his head as the three of you went down towards the checkout.

\------

"How did it go?" Steve looked worriedly over the seven large bags of stuff you and Bucky had split between you, and the very large box Tony was barely managing to see over "You didn't let him go too crazy, right?"

You shrugged to the best of your ability, leading all of you down and out into the cooling air of New York city in the late afternoon "I tried my best. No promises though, Cap."

The groan Steve let out was audible, as well as the idle chatter he and Bucky got into as Natasha and you led the rest of the boys to the car.

"So, he held your hand." she mentioned casually.

"I held his actually," you corrected, trying to fish the car keys out of your pocket "I was trying to comfort him."

"Maybe, but you can't say you didn't enjoy it."

You raised an eyebrow at her, glancing back to the boys to make sure they couldn't hear you "Of course I did but shut up." you admitted, a smile taking over your cheeks. Natasha laughed lightly, putting down her bag to take the car keys off of you and open the boot.

"Get your shit in gear and the stuff in the trunk, guys." she called, allowing you to put yours in first. You leant on the car with an exhausted sigh, head lightly hitting the metal.  
"I call shotgun!" Tony yelled, touching his nose with his free hand.

"I am NOT being sandwiched in between two men again." Nat looked at you desperately.

"If I have to drive, I am not going to be able to see over their heads," you mentioned, watching as the boys put their stuff in the car and closed the door.

"I'll drive then," Steve offered. He noticed the look you were giving him "And Tony can sit in the passenger's seat and give me directions. Is that a fair compromise?"

"Fine," you huffed, opening the door on the right of the car "Let's go, I'm tired."

Natasha climbed in the other side, forcing you to go in the middle next to Bucky with a sly wink of her eyes. You let out a frustrated breath of air as you strapped yourself into the seat belt and gave into the tiredness in your bones as Steve drove you all home.

\---------

"Hey guys, look, Y/N and Bucky are finally sleeping together." Natasha joked, watching as your head lulled against Bucky's shoulder, his arm tucked around you to keep you held on tightly to him, both of you completely oblivious to the happy smiles of your teammates.


	9. Gasoline

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You can't wake up, this is not a dream. You are part of a machine you are not a human being."

"Дорогая..." (My darling)

Darkness was all that was surrounding you. Darkness and heat. Whatever you were standing in right now felt as if someone had dropped a bucket of boiling tar all over and around you. You couldn't move through it, you couldn't breath properly. The only other thing you were aware of was the voice, soft and lulling, pulling you towards something somewhere.

"Мы собираемся , чтобы убить все, что вы любите." (We're going to kill everything you love.)

A sharp pain began in your right side, knocking you into the what you assumed was the floor. your hand fell into something stickier than what was currently surrounding you, and when you turned your hand to look at what it was, your fingers were drenched in sticky red blood. 

Lights flooded into the space you were in, showing you to be in the training room of the tower. Silence echoed in your ears, so much of it that it was deafening. 

"Guys?" you yelled, as loud as you possible could "Nat?" nobody was in here, that much was evident. Confusedly you ran out of the room and up the stairs into the weapons holding "Tony?" Nothing.

Up the stairs again and into the dining and living room "Wanda?"

Nothing.

Two more flights of stairs up into the labs.

"Tony? Bruce?"

Nothing.

Three more flights of stairs, near enough the top floor except for yours. Two rooms on this floor, two rooms.

"Steve? Bucky!"

Nothing. Always nothing, they weren't here, they'd been taken or they'd left or something. Bucky's room was just as black as it had been back in the gym, you spun around and around to try and catch a glimpse of something, anything. His pictures, his rifle that was stashed under his bed, the teddy bear you had gotten him when he, Steve, Nat and yourself had gone to Coney Island.

But there was nothing. No Bucky, nothing of Bucky's. He and all of your friends were gone. 

You collapsed, sobbing into the ground. All of your hard work over the last month. All of the relationships you had built with the people you could now happily call your family. Your best friends, the people who had made you happy, made you feel human again. Natasha and her slyness and yet so much warmth, the same warmth that spread from Wanda in such a compassionate way. Steve and him always asking you questions about technology or books in return for extra training tips. Tony and Bruce, always taking care of you as if you were an adopted daughter, happy to teach new things about science. Thor, who loved your baking more than anyone in the world, even if you'd only just started it. T'Challa, Scott, Peter, Sam, Rhodey - who had all taken you in with warm open arms and acepted you into the group as not only an ally, but a true friend.

And Bucky. Sweet, innocent, caring, kind. Sure, rough around the edges. But every single day you spent around him, the more you could feel yourself falling towards him. As if he was a planet and you were a meteor getting caught in his atmosphere. If you allowed yourself to get dragged into him, you'd both be hurt; but you knew you would be destroyed if he were to ever find out you thought of him more than a friend. Because you also knew he could never feel that way about you. 

And they were all gone, without you even being able to tell them you loved any of them. 

"принцесса" (Princess)

A different voice, but still in Russian. Instead of lilting and soft, this one was deeper. Male for certain, and had a certain drawl to it. 

"Мы уничтожим все, что вы любите," (We will destroy everything you love.)

"Mother, Father..." They stood in front of you, their sides pressed against one another in a closer position that you had ever seen them in real life. In the hands that weren't holding the other, a knife in your fathers hand and a gun in your mothers hand.

"Russian, my love." Your father crooned. You knew he was talking in Russian, and yet you could understand him somehow. Sure you'd been studying it since you got to the Tower, but you still weren't that good. 

"What is happening?" you whispered, your voice shaking as much as your body.

"We were going to kill everything you love, princess." Your mother smiled titling her head to the side "But we couldn't."

Your legs somehow managed to push you up, despite feeling like jelly "Why? How?"

"Because," suddenly they were both right up in your face, breathing the stench of putrefaction into your face "You already have." 

Your parents began to melt, the smell of rotting flesh coming out of their mouths to consume their entire bodies as they melted to the ground, pooling into a puddle at your feet. A bright blinding light came up and you were once again standing in the gym, but this time it was no longer empty. 

A scream tore apart your lips, retching from deep inside of you as you saw all of them lying on the floor, covered in blood, bones snapped and sticking out in the wrong directions, all of their eyes open and staring blankly into space.

And you, standing right in front of Bucky, his eyes boring into you, the real current you, pleading for you to stop the person who looked like you from killing him.

"Bucky no! Bucky, don't! No! Please!" You couldn't get to him though, you kept tripping up over your friends, as if you were getting further and further away from Bucky, him struggling against the evil you in order to kill him. She was going to kill him, she was going to destroy him. And he was going to think it was you doing it.

You kept screaming, trying to fight your way to him, screaming his name, fighting for him.

"Y/N!" his voice yelled towards you, suddenly making you feel as if you were finally getting close "Y/N! Wake up!"

Your eyes flung open, your body sitting bolt up right, arms flinging around wildly. 

Bucky was there, bent over the edge of your bed, looking over you carefully as if you would break any second.

A sob caught in your throat, tears spilling out from your dreams into your waking reality. He was here, he was safe, he was ok. You weren't going to hurt him. You weren't. You couldn't even if you'd needed to.

The sob fell through your teeth and into the air, salty tears covering your cheeks. Bucky grabbed onto you, clutching you tightly,stroking your hair and whispering things to to try and calm you down. He occasionally kissed the top of your head, just trying to calm you down in any way he could.

When you finally stopped crying enough to talk and he asked you if you wanted to talk about it, the words tumbled out of your mouth without you asking them to. You told him everything, about the dream, the other ones that had been causing you to toss and turn and wake up sweating recently. How he was going to die and you couldn't stop it even if you tried. How you couldn't loose anybody here, that they were your family.

He didn't say anything once you'd finished just held you close until you calmed down completely.

"I'm sorry," you mumbled, wiping your eyes on your long sleeves "You shouldn't be having to deal with me like this when it's just us in the building."

"Hey," he said softly, kissing the top of your head again "It's not the first time, and you've done exactly the same for me. The others will be back in the morning, Steve texted me to let me know earlier so it'll be ok. I really don't mind." His metal hand cupped your cheek "What do you want to do? Go back to sleep?"

You shook your head, bringing your knees up to your chest to hug them close to you.

"How about we go out then? We can go for a walk around the Tower?"

Again you shook your head "I don't think being in the Tower right now is going to help me."

Bucky nodded, silently thinking for a moment before standing up and extending a hand to you.

"Come on then," he smiled down at you. 

You took his hand, clambering out of the bed. You felt somewhat dizzy on your feet and you struggled to stay upright with the sleep still in your eyes. You rubbed them harshly, desperate to get any reminders of the nightmare out of your system. 

"Where are we going?"

He turned, gently changing his position of his hand from holding your wrist softly to weaving his fingers through yours "We're going for a bike ride."


	10. Drive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Your laugh echoes down the hallway, carves into my hollow chest, spreads over the emptiness. It's Bliss."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, two chapters in two days, I'm on a rollll

"A bike ride? Really?" your confusion was obvious, watching him as he rolled his eyes and headed over to your wardrobe.

"We could always stay here if you want to," he replied whilst his head was still in the closet, looking for something.

"No!" you said entirely too quickly, wrapping you arms around your chest to fight the shivers "No, I don't think that's the best plan."

He laughed from within your wardrobe, before coming out of it holding a pair of boots and the dark brown leather jacket you had originally bought with you.

"Bike ride it is then," he smiled softly at you, handing you the items of clothing which you pulled on swiftly before he led you out of the room by your wrist.

The warmth radiating off of Bucky as he led you softly through the halls of the tower and down into the garage in the basement was so comforting that you never wanted to let him go. 

You'd dealt with each others nightmares once or twice before, finding one another screaming and calling out for help even when you were silent to the rest of the world. It was beneficial to the both of you, having somebody who truly understood how the memories could sneak up out of nowhere without any warning and attack you at your most vulnerable.

You snapped out of that thought train before it could go any further when Bucky lobbed at motor bike helmet at you, he was already waiting astride the bike, helmet on, the garage door wide open. You imagined he'd be smirking from underneath the visor for having dragged you out of whatever was on your mind.

You rolled your eyes in response to him and mounted the back of the bike, grabbing onto the rear handles as he took off into the night of New York City. The streets sparkled like silver from the rain you hadn't even noticed had come and gone by now, the bright colourful lights of billboards and signs illuminating to make it seem as if the ground was filled with precious gemstones. The sky still had some clouds in, and some sort of electricity hung in the air as if there was an enormous thunder storm on the way. 

It was fair to say Bucky's style of riding was different to yours. Sure, you'd ridden your motor cycle before, a lot more since you'd arrived here, but Bucky didn't seem to care too much about regulations regarding speeding, with him everything felt different. Almost automatically, your arms reached out from the handles to grab at the small of his back as he sped up. You trusted him completely, but if you were going to be thrown off of this thing then he was going down with you.

He seemed to notice and started taking corners more carefully, but still it wasn't more than twenty minutes before you arrived to wherever he was taking you.  
Slightly breathless, but otherwise unscathed, you climbed off the bike and took off your helmet, looking around the try and gather where you were. 

It was a broad walk of some kind, concrete slabs which you assumed would be covered in people during normal human hours, encased by silver railings and tall black lamps. To your left there were large apartment buildings, most of which all had their lights off, and to your right soft nearly white sand sprawled outwards towards the waters of the Lower Bay.

"Coney Island?" you turned around, smiling wildly at the man "You bought me to Coney Island again?"

"Well, it's three thirty in the morning, so technically the actual amusement park will be closed," he dropped his helmet into the back case of the bike before taking yours and doing the same "But yeah, technically, Coney Island."

The smile wouldn't leave your face as you took it all in, you went to stand right on the edge of the broad walk, inhaling the salty air and listening to the most quiet you had ever heard America. Despite the traffic still plaguing this part of the world, the rest was mostly quite save the waves rolling in to collect the sand and the birds above still calling out.  
His warmth next to you did not go a miss, and you lent into him slightly, keeping your eyes locked on the waves ahead. In the darkness it reflected the city lights behind you, twinkling as it moved and danced upon the shore. Something about it mixed with the electricity in the air of the now obvious on coming storm made you feel more at home here than you ever had, even in the Tower. The unknown, the mystery, the excitement tingled through you and set your nerves on fire. Or maybe it was the handsome man who was keeping you company.

But you couldn't focus on those feelings right now, Gods knew you had shoved them down deep inside of you since you had first realised them a week and six days ago. Sure you had managed to get past your own personal boundaries of letting people and letting them become your friends, hell you'd even call the rest of the Avengers like family now. But not Bucky. Bucky was so much more, and once again you knew, if you ever admitted just how deep these feelings went then both of you would be burnt. 

Dying on this job was one thing. Having your heart ripped out and shattered into a million pieces an entire other. Besides, it wasn't like you could just run away and join the army again, since being with them everything had changed. Sure the army might accept you back, but you didn't want to go back, couldn't go back. So you had to ignore the butterflies in your stomach when he was around and continue as if he was nothing more than a friend. 

A sigh escaped your lips as you looked to the night sky where the storm clouds were beginning to fight with one another. The electricity in the air seemed to decapitate immediately as the first roll of thunder came through, followed by a crash of lightening almost four seconds after. 

Looking to Bucky, you smiled, hopping the railing and making your way onto the beach. You knew he was following you, he was making his footsteps extra loud so that you knew for certain he was. 

The ocean was tantalisingly close, a few mere steps away, when the first rain drops began pelting down on the both of you.

"Y/N!" Bucky called over the heavy sound the storm had bought with it "We should go back!"

"Sorry, can't hear you!" you ignored him, kicking off your boots and finally making your way into the cool waters. The day before had been humid and witheringly hot, but this felt right. The way the coolness felt around your toes as the same poured from the sky, you couldn't help but smile at the feeling. 

Freedom. That was what it felt like. Freedom unlike any other you'd ever known. Turning your face and hands up towards the sky, you laughed slightly, enjoying the freshness that assaulted your senses in that moment. The emptiness inside seemed to slowly melt into a smaller and smaller space, igniting something inside of you that you couldn't honestly say you'd ever felt before.

You didn't know how long you stood there before you noticed his warmth beside you, but when you looked to him, he was wearing that boyish grin that made your stomach do somersaults. 

"You alright there, Sarge?" you smiled at him, raising your voice above the roaring noise of the waves, thunder, lightening and rain.

He only nodded in response, holding his hands out in a similar way to how you had been doing a few seconds ago "Living in and for the moment, right?"

You laughed, a proper laugh at how he was trying to quote one of your tattoos back at you.

"Carpe Diem!" you beamed, kicking some of the water so that it arched out and sprayed across into the rest of the lower bay.

Lightening continued to dance across the sky, the water hitting the pair of you until you were completely drenched, laughing and spinning and splashing until you had nothing more left to give. And still the emptiness shrank, further and further until it seemed to be no bigger than a pin prick, covered completely over by his laugh and the freedom that this moment together had brought.


	11. Coming Down The Line

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Coming Down - "I found a saviour, 'cause he's off to pay his crimes and he's got not time for mine." AND I Walk The Line - "I keep a close watch on this heart of mine. I keep my eyes wide open all the time."

"If you die, I'm going to kill you, you know that right?"

Bucky's smiled at your comment, squeezing your upper right arm "I'm going to be fine, doll. It's a simple extraction, we'll be back before the time the sun even sets." 

"Still," you pursed your lips at his reply "Don't die."

Bucky laughed this time, wrapping you in his arms. You were so close to him that you were slightly worried he'd be able to feel your heartbeat through your chest. 

To be fair to him, you knew he was ready. His training had gotten to the point where it seemed like he couldn't actually learn anything more, tactics or fighting speaking. Plus, it wasn't like this was his first time coming face to face with danger and violence, or that you thought he couldn't handle himself if the simple mission seemed to get out of hand. 

He'd come such a long way from the man you remembered being held captive under Hydra's thumb in the compounds, and even since you'd properly met him here he seemed to be brighter and more open than Tony had first described him as to you. 

You knew he could do this, you just weren't sure that you could.

As you saluted Steve, much to the blond's amusement, only to be bought in for another hug, your mind was still going just as fast as when he had first told you he and Bucky were going on this mission. 

Even if Bucky wasn't there you knew you had things you could distract yourself with, that there were sleeping tablets you could take instead of relying on him to help with the nightmares, it wasn't like you were going to stop functioning as a human being without him. But you still couldn't shake the feeling that something was missing like a huge hole in your chest as you watched the Quinjet soar from the roof and disappear out of sight.

Sighing, you tugged your long sleeves down and past your hands as you headed down into the kitchen area. Nobody else seemed to be around at the moment. You knew Tony was on some kind of weird science field trip with Bruce, Natasha was with Wanda in Wakanda on some official kind of business, Thor was living it up in Asgard, Clint was with his family, Sam was doing his support group, Scott was with Cassie, and who knew where Vision was hanging around now a days. 

"FRIDAY, can you play some music for me?" you sighed, running a hand over your face already tired and bored of being on your own, desperate for the silence not to creep up on you.

"What music would you like me to play for you, Miss Y/L/N?" came the cool reply from the AI.

"Just anything, I don't like it being too quiet," you mumbled, moving over to the fridge to see if there was anything in there worth making.

"Of course, Miss Y/L/N."

_I found God, I found him in a lover, when his hair falls in his face and his hands so cold they shake_

Your hips swayed almost automatically as you moved around the kitchen gathering up all the ingredients and utensils you would need to make brownies. If you were going to be on your own for long you'd probably end up baking about a dozen more things, but brownies and their simplicity seemed like a good place to start. 

_... I've got a lover I love like religion, I'm such a fool for sacrifice..._

You started measuring and mixing the ingredients, not paying attention to anything besides the music an the task on your hands. If you did let your mind wander then you knew it would only end up on Bucky and the emptiness would return, and you were not about to give up after he'd only been gone for ten minutes.

_... I found a saviour, I don't think he remembers, 'cause hes off to pay his crimes and he's got no time for mine..._

You allowed the music to seep into your being, ignoring how close to home some of the lyrics were hitting you, just enjoying the melodic voice of the singer as you moved gracefully around the kitchen.

_...He's coming down down, coming down, he's coming down, coming down._

Between the end of the first song and the time that you finally heard another movement besides your own you'd managed to make the brownies, bake three types of cupcakes, and were just beginning on kneading the pizza dough you were going to use for dinner.

Your hand got wiped on a towel to remove the excess flour, the lyrics of the next song sinking into you as your two best girlfriends made their way into the kitchen area.   
_I keep a close watch on this heart of mine..._

"Hey, trouble," Nat greeted, flopping down into one of the breakfast bar stools with a smile on her face "What you up to over there?"

"I'm just keeping busy," you shrugged, waking Wanda's hand away from the cupcakes that were cooling on the rack "Keeping my mind occupied, you know."

_...I keep my eyes wide open all the time..._

"Oh, because Bucky isn't here?" Wanda asked, seemingly innocently. You turned from your pizza dough, giving her a furrowed brow "What? Don't deny it, we both know you have a thing for him."

You scoffed, turning back to place the dough into the bowl to proof before you did anything else with it "I do not have a **thing** for Bucky, he's just a good friend."

_...Because you're mine, I walk the line..._

When you turned back around to look at the girls, Natasha was giving you one of her classic looks that told you she didn't believe you, right eyebrow slightly raised, lips pouted, eyes gleaming. Wanda on the other hand was just smiling at you like she was trying not to laugh at your completely see through lie.

You groaned, crossing you arms on the kitchen counters and letting your head crash into them "Is it really that obvious?"

"Y/N, it's written all over you like someones taken a sharpie and just gone crazy," Nat smirked.

"It doesn't matter anyway," you ran a hand over your face and up into your hair "It's not like he feels the same way. And even if he did, nothing could ever come of it."

"Who said that?" Wanda frowned.

"Nobody said it," you said with a small shrug "I just don't think he likes me back. Besides, have you met either of us? We've both pushed people away from even being our friends so that they don't get hurt. Can you imagine what it would be like if we knew there was somebody we had that was more than a friend who could get hurt?"

A hand went over yours, you looked up to see Wanda looking you directly in the eyes "I don't need to look inside either of your heads to see that you're crazy about each other. Don't let fear take away your happiness." 

_...For you I even know I'd try to turn to the tide..._

"She's right, Y/N," Natasha smiled sadly "Don't wait for it, just do it before it's too late."

You gulped, closing your eyes to steady your nerves somewhat "Ok, how are we going to do this?"

"Well, first you probably need concrete evidence he likes you back, right?

You nodded.

"Right, Project OTP, phase one - get a confession out of Barnes anyway possible, start."


	12. Coming Down the Line pt 2

Natasha and Wanda had been planning ways to get Bucky to admit he had feelings for you every chance they had gotten. Girl's night had changed from pampering sessions and movies to you having to reign in their crazier pans and the occasional face mask.

They were so determined to get him to admit he had a crush on you that it scared you slightly, and you found yourself having to put your foot down more and more often until one night you'd had enough.

You were all in Wanda's red and white room, Natasha and Wanda lying down on the floor pouring over one of the plans that had already been gone over in scrutinising detail about twenty times before whilst you tried to paint the nails on your left hand. The music was the only noise between the three of you, and you kept messing up your thumb and having to remove the nail polish, which meant the other hand you'd already managed to do was now smudged.

"Right, enough." you snapped, climbing off of the bed and tossing Natasha the nail polish and sitting in front of her "What in Zeus' name is the point in all of this planning taking over girls nights if we aren't even going to do anything with it?"

"We need it to be perfect, Y/N," Nat rolled her eyes as she shook the bottle of dark blue nail polish "If the plan isn't perfect, then none of this will work."

"It's not like he's just going to blurt it out," you mumbled grumpily, watching as she quickly and effortlessly coated your nails perfectly.

"That's a good point," Wanda picked up on your mumble "We need to ease it out of him, this is Barnes after all."

After a pause for a second,Nat clicked her fingers and stood up, signalling for you guys to do the same.

"Follow my lead," she smiled.

You frowned, bed socks padding down the hall softly behind the two girls. You appreciated them putting so much effort into this, but you honestly didn't see the point any more. You knew he didn't like you the same way you liked him, or else he would have said something by now. Bucky had never been shy about telling you about the girls from the 40's and the pick up lines and how well they had worked.

The three of you entered the main kitchen and living room, where most of the male part of the team was spread out on the sofa, nursing cold beers with some kind of sports game playing in the back ground. You weren't really paying attention to that though as your eyes caught a hold of the ex winter soldier sitting spread legged on the smallest sofa, his eyes already locked on you.

Good Gods he looked good, his sweat pants dangling lazily from the V shape of his hips, one of his henleys fitting tightly against his chest, his hair falling in his eyes somewhat. You gulped, feeling his eyes burn into you as you walked past following Nat's lead and trying to ignore him.

"Y/N I'm being completely serious, you're way prettier than Pheobe Tonkin."

"Exactly!" Wanda chimed in, leaving you frowning and confused as the girls moved around the kitchen grabbing food and drinks "Plus she had a ton of makeup on in that movie and is air brushed in all of the posters and photos, you look good even now."

You couldn't help but look down, still frowning. You had a baggy grey shirt with BROOKLYN printed across the front in maroon letters that was tied around your tummy so people could still see you small black bed shorts. Paired with your fluffy socks, no makeup and hair up in a messy bun, you were 100% positive that you didn't look anything near as beautiful as the actress right now.

"You still don't believe us?" Nat scoffed, handing you three chocolate milkshakes to take back to Wanda's room.

You shrugged, still not sure where she was going with this or how it was going to have anything to do with the plan.

"Fine, we'll get a second opinion. Boys?"

Oh. The penny dropped.

All of the male eyes in the room had turned to Nat who was standing in front of you and Wanda, a hand on her hip.

"Y/N doesn't think she's good looking."

"I didn't say that!" you protested, but you were silenced by Wanda poking you in the side lightly.

"Can you guys please tell her she's wrong, she isn't listening to us."

"That's ridiculous, Y/N" Tony spoke up, pausing the game quickly "You're stunning."

Oh wow, look, your feet had magically appeared in your line of vision whilst the blush assaulted your cheeks, an arm wrapping around your slightly exposed belly self consciously.

"For once, I've got to agree with Tony," you heard Sam join in "You've got a good body."

"And you're smile is infectious," Steve offered up.

"You put even the ladies in Asgard to shame," Thor joined in.

"Anybody would be lucky to have a girl like you on their arm, Y/N," Clint lent over the edge of the sofa to squeeze your elbow lightly in a show of affection. You looked up at him and smiled softly, thanking him silently.

"What about you Barnes, you're the only one who hasn't said anything." Nat glared at him, indicating to you slightly with a tip of her head.

His eyes were on you, you could feel the blue grey of them burning into you, making you struggle slightly to look up and look him directly in that beautifully unique colour.  
"There's not a single thing I'd change about you, doll."

The smile that took over you face seemed to infect Bucky too,it actually reaching his eyes and causing them to sparkle at you.

"Thanks guys, I just get a bit low on the self esteem front of things when we watch certain movies," you shrugged, playing it nonchalant. It wasn't exactly a lie, you wouldn't be human if you didn't look at some of the photo shop that was used now a days and feel a little less than perfect.

"Right, self esteem restored, back to movies. Thanks guys," Nat grabbed you and Wanda and pulled you from the room, but not before you manged to look behind you and notice the way Bucky was once again watching you as you left.  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next time the girls tried to get him to admit he liked you more than a friend, you once again had no idea that they were about to do it or even what they were going to do.  
You and Bucky were sat on the sofa, his head leaning against the edge of your leg as you tapped away at your computer trying to get the information that Tony had asked you to research, knowing that you could do it efficiently.

You hardly noticed when Wanda wandered into the room, having been chatting with Bucky softly about the music you were listening to and why you liked it so much, which was somewhat of a mystery to him.

"Hey guys," Wanda huffed, flopping herself down on the small sofa near the window.

You looked up from you laptop and over to her, a question burning in your mind. She merely smiled at you in response, earning a slightly frustrated groan from your throat.  
"You alright?" Bucky asked, sitting up so he was next to you.

"Yeah," you whirred back to reality "This is just going to take a little longer than planned."

"Sorry if I'm distracting you," Bucky's brow furrowed, covering his face in lines.

"No, not at all!" you smiled softly at him.

 _You distract me all the god damn time Barnes, this isn't any different._

You heard a laugh from the smaller sofa and looked up to see Wanda smiling at you knowingly.

_For crying out loud, get out of my head Maximoff._

"I'm bored, can we play a game of quick fire?" Wanda smirked at you.

"Kind of busy," you mumbled, continuing to type furiously at your keyboard.

_What are you playing at, Wanda?_

_Just trust me, Y/N_

"I'll play," Bucky piped up, taking you somewhat by surprise "How do we play?"

"I ask quick fire questions, only you're not allowed to say the words yes no or maybe."

"Cool, you want to start?"

"Ok, is the sky blue?"

"Mostly."

"Is the grass green?"

"Sure is."

"Do cows go quack?"

"I've never heard one that has."

"Do you like Disney movies?"

"The one's I've seen so far."

"Do you like dark chocolate."

"I prefer milk chocolate."

Your heart was beating erratically in your chest, you could see exactly where this was heading. Luckily you had just finished your typing and were now pretending to ignore the stupid game in order to look through social media.

"Do you enjoy this music?"

"I believe so."

"Do you like Y/N?"

"Well yeah,"

Your heart leapt out of your chest and up into your throat, making you feel slightly sick as you looked over to Bucky.

"She's one of my best friends, I kind of have to like her for her to be my friend."

"You lost, Buck," you gulped down the anxious energy that bubbled in the pit of your stomach "You're not allowed to say 'yeah' either."  
"Oh, right. My turn then?"

"Sure," Wanda huffed, slightly annoyed that it hand't worked the way she had planned.

"I've got to go find Tony," you mumbled, fight or flight response taking over as you left the room to head up towards the labs.

\--------------------------------------------------------

"You know what they're doing, right?" Steve asked later on that evening, watching as Y/N moved around the kitchen cooking dinner for the team, Wanda and Natasha sitting on bar stools giggling like school girls and occasionally being shot death glances from you.

"Huh?" Bucky frowned, tearing his eyes away from you and the way you moved so methodically around the kitchen to look at his best friend "What do you mean?"

"Nat and Wanda must have figure it out, they've been trying to trick you into admitting you have thing for Y/N for two days now."

"Oh yeah, I know," Bucky smirked, turning his attention back to you "I'm just going to go with it and see how far they take it."

"You know that it probably means that Y/N has feelings for you too, right?"

Bucky actually laughed this time, watching as your eyes looked up at the sound and beamed at him warmly.

"Steve, the second she has feelings for me beyond friendship is the day Hell freezes over."

"Whatever you say, Buck."


	13. Hurricane of Colours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She's violence in the pouring rain

Bucky couldn't stop replaying that moment in his head as the silence of the jet he was in punctured every single surface.

Steve was flying, Natasha had her head in her hands, even Sam was disparagingly unlike himself in the perfect silence. 

It was meant to have been a simple mission: get in, minimize threat, leave. Two days maximum.

It hadn't even taken them one.

Y/N had been so bright and smiley, her usual self up until they had mounted into the jet. Bucky saw something in her then as she shifted that he had only ever glimpsed at during training sessions. The way her eyes went hard and determination took over her face in steel was exhilarating.

Bucky knew he had been carrying a torch for Y/N for a while now, he'd only really admitted it to himself when he had seen her light up underneath the fireworks at Coney Island, and this was the icing on top of all of that. She was elegant without meaning to be in everyday situations, something about the way she carried herself and how she moved when in a room surrounded by her friends seemed to draw not only others closer to her, but Bucky himself.

To be honest, he hadn't even thought himself capable of feeling something like that again. He didn't think he deserved to, let alone for it to be felt back towards him. But Y/N made him question that. She never once blinked when he would use his metal arm around her, even in training. She didn't shy away from his nightmares of his rare episodes. She was patient with him when telling him about something he didn't understand, silently kind when she hugged him after a nightmare, when she had felt so comfortable around him she would tell him secrets she said even Natasha and Wanda didn't know about yet.

Bucky didn't believe in second chances or miracles before Y/N, but with her there he knew it was all possible, and more.

As soon as the jet had landed, she had been on the battlefield, the persona she had taken on during the flight over continuing. Cold, hard, focused.

She had moved like nothing Bucky had ever seen before. She was so sure and confident in her placements and her abilities he almost found it hard to believe she had struggled with self doubt before. To see her like this, handling herself as well if not better than Natasha and Steve was something else.

Because it wasn't like she was a superhuman like Wanda, or had an extra helping hand like him or Steve (Literally in his own case). She was just pure, unadulterated power in the way that she simply was. 

Easily handling weapons, taking people down left right and centre, guns being efficiently reloaded, relying on her knives or hands when she had run out of other options.  
Bucky knew Y/N was beautiful before, but now he was entirely convinced there could never be a moment where she wasn't to him.

But then there had been double the amount of people expected. Wrong information provided to them. Double the work, half the pay out. 

Everybody was already beaten bruised battered and breathing heavily when the alarm for the base finally started. The rest of the team darted, taking defencive positions as per Steve's orders.

Y/N had slid herself down in next to Bucky as the fire began. She went to jump up and away from Bucky, but her body pressed so beautifully against his like a missing puzzle piece brought him to drag her back down.

"Wait, Y/N, I need to tell you something,"

She had huffed in response, blowing free flowing hair from her face "We're kind of in the middle of something here. Can't it wait until we get back?"

"What if we don't get back?"

Everything seemed to slow down for Bucky as she looked at him, her deep eyes looking directly into his. Her warm hand, so soft in comparison to his own, cupped his jaw, thumb rubbing idly over the stubble that covered it.

"We will get back, all of us. Now cover me," she beamed, leaning in to press a chaste kiss on his cheek "You giant idiot."

A fire lit inside of Bucky, determination taking over him in the same way he had watched it taking over her in the jet. She moved so perfectly as the rain began to pour down onto them and wash away the blood and mud that covered everyone and everything. He would protect her until his last breath.

Nearly an hour later, Tony was scanning through some kind of info, Y/N standing quite close to him to try and say something Bucky couldn't hear.

Steve clapped him on the back, nodding over towards the busted up wall the pair could see through "You were going to tell you about your feelings, weren't you."

Bucky shrugged, it was a statement, not a question. He knew Steve well enough to know the difference.

"She already knew," Bucky beamed at her when she looked over, a smile igniting her lips.

Quiet and tiredness began to creep into Bucky as he watched his team mates prepare to head back, he was glad there wouldn't be as many people in the jet she was going to be in, maybe he could actually get the words out this time without her knowing just by looking at him. 

He was heading back towards the jet, back turned when it happened.

A large crash, followed by screams made him turn, seeing Tony frantically trying to move the large number of rocks that had fallen from above and on top of her head. 

Once again the world seemed to slow, for the wrong reasons. There was a scramble, Bucky was trying to get to her, so was Tony, but they were both being pulled back, a loud voice in everybody's ears to explain, but it wasn't good enough nothing would ever be good enough to get those words out of his head.

 _"HYDRA are inside the building. Y/N's vital signs are no longer transmitting. If we don't leave now, we will all die. She will have collapsed the wall for nothing."_  
The words kept going over and over in his head like some kind of special own brand torture he couldn't shut off. Without even saying it, Barton had said she was dead. He was the only one to have said anything after it had happened, not one single one of them had dared to utter a word then or on the flight back. 

The landing pad seemed almost as empty as the jet had. If she wasn't there with him, she was meant to be there to greet him, tell him she missed him, what he had missed on Orange Is The New Black.

The other jet had already gotten back before them, Stark, Barton, Vision and Wanda all disembarking with solemn and dead looks in their eyes. Nobody had bothered to change, nobody had bothered to move much at all it seemed other than to go their separate ways as the news sunk in.

Bucky crashed his lower back against one of the windows that lined the walls of the communal area. How long he stood there for in silence, his mind churning over the information, he wasn't sure. 

She was dead. She was gone. There was nothing he could do. He would never see her again. He would never be able to tell her that he...

Nothingness turned to anger, and Bucky turned, his rage bubbling inside of him as he spotted Stark in the corner of the room sitting on a bar stool with that stupid red and gold still on him.

"You didn't even _try_ to save her!" Bucky stormed towards Stark, all of his fury directed towards the billionaire "You could have tried and you didn't." Standing at his full height over the man, he knew he looked intimidating, the metal in his arm shifting plates ready to attack with the adrenaline and rush of anger.

Tony looked up at him, the look he was giving Bucky physically made the soldier take a step back. Tony looked as wrung out and as tortured as he felt, his eyes burning with the same fury that was coursing through Bucky's veins and keeping him alive.

"She was one of the only people who tolerated me, Barnes." Tony's voice was low and shaky, unlike Bucky had ever heard it before "She was like family, she was the only one in the whole damn place who could give me as much shit as I gave her, the only one who liked the same music, the only one who would talk to me when the world came crashing down around me. Don't you dare try to act like it's all my fault, because you're not the only one who is in pain right now."

Bucky took another step back, tears threatening to spill out of his eyes "I'm sorry," he mumbled, looking away.

"Yeah, we all are, Barnes. The Tower just isn't going to be the same without her here."

Bucky nodded, clenching his fist as he left the lab, Tony finally breathing out a shuddering breath as he began to break down.

Bucky ignored Steve trying to talk to him, ignored the smashed glasses and plates left behind by Thor, ignored Wanda staring out of the rain covered window clutching your blue scarf, ignored everything but the dull ache in his chest that led him out of the room and down the stairs into your room.

Natasha was sat there, running her hand along the last words you had scribbled down on a notepad on your desk, some kind of shopping list Bucky assumed.

Natasha didn't even look up when she spoke "She had a crush on you, you know. She didn't tell you because she wanted to be absolutely sure that you felt the same way about her. That was why me and Wanda were trying to get you to admit it. We just wanted her to be happy."

The red head wasn't evidently emotional, but her voice shook somewhat, betraying her slightly.

"She isn't dead. She can't be dead." Bucky whispered, picking up the jacket he had given you off of the floor and clutching it tightly.

"Barnes, I know this is harder for you because you didn't just lose someone who was like a sibling like the rest of us but..." Natasha took a deep shuddering breath "Even if she did survive that blast, they would have killed her."

"No." Bucky spoke louder, allowing the anger and determination to fill his voice "I know her. You know her. She's smarter than that. She wouldn't have left us here without some kind of hope. She would have found a safe zone to survive and when they pulled her out she would have used her family's name to stay alive."

Natasha looked at Bucky, properly looked at him. Her green eyes were brimming with tears "I want that to be true." she whispered, strength finding its way back to her.

"Then let's treat it like it is. No matter how small the chances are. I need her, Romanoff. I need to know either way, if she's alive or if..."

A warm hand cupped his bicep, making him look down to it and then back up to the woman who was now looking at him with a half smirk he had seen Y/N wearing before.

"Where do we start then, soldier?"  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Pain - sharp shooting and intense. Lower abdomen.

No other pain, no obvious broken bones, no obvious and clear cut thing that was going to kill you.

Your eyes opened to a blurry off white ceiling. You couldn't move, you could feel the wrist and ankle restraints pinning you down onto the table or chair or whatever uncomfortable thing you had been forced into.

Your eyes checked around the room as soon as things came into focus. Five other chairs, all with restraints in the same place as yours, all occupied with people you didn't recognise. 

You hadn't recognised anybody in nearly three weeks by your last count. You couldn't remember anything important. Sure you still had your languages, your fighting skills thanks to the machine they plugged into your back, but your mind was blank of your family, your friends, any other life than being dragged around from room to room, hurt, cut, tortured, hooked up to machines.  
The first memory you had was one you were sure they didn't want you to have.

A lonely black and white room. Something about falling rocks, something about your chest feeling as if it was empty. Pictures being shown to you, whatever was on them you couldn't remember now, but it made the person who was showing you them angry. And you wouldn't tell them who the people in the picture were. Or where they were maybe. Or what? You honestly couldn't remember at all. 

Five other people. Why were there five other people? No direct correlation between the number of people and why you were being hurt sprung to mind. There was no evidence that you were going to be killed either, after all you'd been here for who knew how long and you were still alive. Maybe they had had you your entire life. Maybe you had always been here but you couldn't remember it.

You didn't want to believe that though. All of this pain and suffering, inflicted on yourself and obviously the other people in this room too wasn't something that all people had, surely? The people who did it to you didn't seem to, the people who sang the songs on the small box one of the male scientists had didn't seem to be in this much pain. 

_Maybe one day I'll know something else_ you sighed inwardly, knowing you couldn't speak out loud any more without risking being beaten within an inch of your life _One day I will get out of here. One day I will stop being in pain._


	14. Resistance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Preface if you will

Bucky had been following trails for a month now, following lead after lead after lead. He was going to find her, she wasn't dead.

But every single lead he followed seemed to take him nowhere, one dead end after another so continuously for so long was really taking it out of him. He wasn't sleeping, barely eating, hardly in control of his own self as he entered back into the tower after following yet another dead end trail to Y/N. 

He couldn't give up. He wouldn't admit that she was gone. If he did, if he did give up hope then he didn't know how well he could continue to keep a grip on the shaky reality that he had.

Steve was worried about him, he could tell from the way his friend looked at him and the way he moved around him. He'd even cornered him in the training room one day to question him about why he wasn't taking a break.

Bucky just looked at him "If it was Sharon, would you?"

He'd left him alone after that.

The tower seemed quiet right now, only his footfalls echoing down the hall and into her room. Maybe the rest of the team was right. Tony barely left his lab anymore, Bruce and Thor had disappeared into seemingly nothingness. Wanda drifted around without much control, Natasha was out almost as much as he was himself trying to find her. 

He thought he was on his own for a second before he heard a quiet chatter of a voice he hadn't heard speak since Y/N had gone missing. Natasha, Wanda, Steve, Tony, Sam, Scott, hell even T'Challa were all sitting around the kitchen table looking over a map as Natasha pointed out certain things on it.

"What's going on?" Bucky mumbled, exhaustion almost setting into his bones.

"Natasha found something that's secure."

Bucky's eyes lit up, looking over the map. He'd never seen this place before, never heard of the name.

"We have solid intel?"

"Yeah," Nat looked up at him, smiling tiredly "We finally found her."


	15. Victorious

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "50 Words For Murder, and I'm Everyone Of Them."

Silver was the colour of most of the things in the lab, shining and bright and perfectly clean. Bodies lay scattered on the floor, twelve of the top scientists within the organisation knocked out from what had happened.

Three men entered, having finally knocked down the door, eyes scanning over the chaos in the room. 

Five of the six containers that had been kept in the lab had been shattered, the glass covering the floor and glimmering like diamonds in the light from a hole that had been blasted right behind the only remaining container. Thick smoke hung in the air and filled their nostrils with it's smell, lingering on every single surface it touched. 

One of the men approached the lone remaining container hesitantly. Whatever had happened here was clearly the doing of whatever or whoever was inside. They had to destroy it. He danced around the back, careful not to step on anyone to pull the plug when the alarm to say that the base was under attack started screaming in their ears.

The vibrations from the alarm seemed to once again awaken the thing within the tank, causing it to shake uncontrollably. It soon shattered from it's own tremors, spraying the men in glass as the thick blue liquid drained away to reveal a girl being held in the centre of the tube, large wires and plugs hooked into her shoulder lower back and hips. Her head had been pinned back, long hair trapped into something, probably one of the tubes that was keeping her still. 

She didn't move, didn't even seem to register the fact that she was no longer inside of her tank or that any of the destruction around her had been caused. 

"We need to get her out. If that's who we think it is then they're after her," one of the soldiers barked, finally getting her attention. Her eyes slid over the men cooly. She had never seen them before. She couldn't remember many people of faces, but the ones she did know she knew were now dead on the floor around her.

If these men were anything like the people she had killed, then they had to die as well. 

It was either them or her.

As one of them moved to remove the tube from her hip, she moved her hand a fraction of an inch, sending him flying backwards and into the now sealed door with a resounding thud. The other two looked at him briefly before cocking their weapons and aiming directly at her.

She frowned. She didn't want to have to kill them. But she wasn't going to let them kill her either. Another flick of the wrist and the other two went flying as well, falling with a resounding thud and crunch as they landed in the shattered glass.

The tubes felt as if they removed themselves from her body merely by her asking, but her hair was still caught, wound tightly into the one that had been connected to her shoulder. A piece of glass appeared in her hand, and with a quick slice and no more thought, she grabbed the weapons from the three men that had come into the room uninvited and threatened her and made about trying to find all of the information on the computer in the corner of the room that she could.

There was some kind of battle going on outside, loud gunfire and shouts and screams could be heard from the hole in the wall. By the time she had decided she had gotten all of the information off of the computer and onto a memory drive, it was in full swing. Her head snapped to the sound of a loud roar unlike any other she had heard before.

_Get out now or you will be killed. Kill anyone who is a threat to you._

Instinct took over as she vaulted from the hole with her weapons, ready to take down anyone who would do the same to her.

Men, dressed the same way as the three from earlier came at her, but they were no problem. Slide left, dodge, block, shoot right, sweep foot left and they all went tumbling down like the glass from the room. 

As she ran, five more men came towards her in the same uniform. Simply enough she flipped the first two to charge at her over by their ankles, jumping and punching one of them, vaulting off of another to land on the head of a third and take him down with her thighs. A quick kick to the groin of the last left them all on the ground complaining like children. 

Red splatters covered the white trousers and t shirt she was wearing, her hair torn and ripped free from the machine, scratches and mud covering herself all over. And she didn't care. She pressed on, determined to survive, determined to get as far away from that machine, from all that pain, from all the death.

There was some kind of jet up ahead, something she knew she could pilot from muscle memory alone, but there people standing in front of the three that were there.  
The fighting had died down now, whoever had attacked the base was clearly giving up. She ducked behind some rubble that had fallen during their destruction, taking coverage so they didn't see her.

"Anything?" one of them asked with a finger pressed to their ear. A communicator. So there were more than the five who were heavily breathing or injured besides the jets. Maybe stealing one was out of the question then. If there were too many of them she could just use what the machine had given her, but something about this situation didn't sit right with her. Nervousness pounded inside of her. Something about all of this felt very wrong, and she was not going to use the machine's curse unless they threatened her life. 

Clearly someone had talked back to the red head with her finger on her ear because she let out a groan of frustration and kicked something on the ground.

The girl behind the hiding spot shifted, getting ready to run as fast as she could away from these people and whatever they wanted. Her foot shifted too far to the left, landing on a twig that let out a resounding crunch into the air.

All five of the people from the jet stood up, despite being covered in marks and blood.

"Who's there?" one of them called.

She panicked, she couldn't get taken down like this, not now. 

She took off, bare feet pounding on the pine needles as she ran, dodging in between trees as if they were nothing. At least three of the people were following her, making her desperate to go faster, to be pushed harder.

She turned for a second, to see how close they were when she tripped over a branch that had been jutting out a nearby tree, sending her sprawling to the ground.  
Her palms went out to catch herself, landing first on the ground. The energy from the machine went soaring, impacting on the ground and letting out a large crunch and crash as it created a large hole and flung her to the bottom of it. 

She was going to die. She had gotten so far, and now she was going to die because of that stupid machine, and not the people who had done this to her.

Slowly, blackness took over her vision as she slipped into something she wished she would never awaken from.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got to 1000 hits today which is stunningly amazing. I'm so proud and so thankful to all of you for reading and liking my writing, I honestly started writing this for myself and now I'm so inspired to continue for you guys. Once again thank you from the bottom of my heart, I love you <3


	16. Don't Threaten Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Who are these people?"

This was a different type of lab to the one she had been sitting in before. It was different from everything else she had ever known. If the utensils had seemed clean to her before, this place was sparkling. The white floors were pristine, the light greys walls the same way. There some kind of computer equipment lining the walls much unlike the types she'd seen before.

It was clean, it smelled like some kind of cleaning product and something she couldn't quite place. The word exotic was what came to mind, a word she had never had cause to use before now. 

The people who were in front of the jets were here, all five of the faces you vaguely recognised from having tried to run away from them. Tall muscular blonde, red haired woman, a man with red skin, a man with slightly greying hair and wiry glasses and a man who was wearing some kind of weird looking red and black suit and a helmet that looked like it had an antenna on it. 

They were all standing around the end of the room, the guy with the wiry glasses and purple shirt was talking quietly to them. Something about some kind of energy and the potentiality for great destruction and danger.

There was a pair of brunettes sitting next to her, a woman dressed in all black staring at her with bright wide brown eyes and a man with stubble and chin length hair resting his head against the bed. It looked like he was asleep. 

The woman was staring at her, brown eyes digging into her very soul. Some kind of tingling sensation started in the woman's head as she was stared at. The girl furrowed her brow. Was this woman a threat?

She sat up quickly, throwing the man off of the bed and staring at the other woman. Every other person came into the proximity, making the woman on the bed feel threatened and scared. She went to hold her hands up to show that she wasn't meaning any harm to anybody.

"Я не имею в виду никакого вреда (I mean no harm)," she said as clearly and cleanly as possible in the language of her handlers "Пожалуйста, не делайте мне больно(Please don't hurt me)..."

"We won't, we promise," the man who had been sleeping on her bed said in English, softly trying to place his hand on her arm. She flinched automatically, pulling away. 

"Do you speak English?" The blonde man asked.

The woman nodded in reply.

"Do you remember your name?"

A shake of the head. She wasn't sure she could trust her voice in English or Russian.

"Your name is Y/N," the man from the bed spoke up again. She nodded in response. Although the name didn't really mean anything to her, some kind of bell began ringing inside of her. Y/N felt right.

"And you lived here not very long ago." The man in glasses continued "Do you know what happened to you?"

"Why do you keep asking me all of these questions?" anger boiled up inside of Y/N's skin, commanding her actions "If I don't know my name, and I clearly don't know any of you how in the hell would I know anything else?"

The group all started ignoring her again, talking amongst themselves except for the man with the silver arm from Y/N's bed. 

"Whatever they did to her, it's all buried pretty deep inside of her. We aren't going to be able to help her unless she wants us to help and she wants to remember."

That infuriated Y/N, she frowned, anger becoming the most prominent thing in her body. He hands began to shake, the bright almost white blue energy forming around her hands, building into something bad until she felt the cool metal of the man's arm wrapping around her wrist gently.

Y/N didn't move this time, just looked over slowly to look him in the eyes. If the name had felt familiar, something about him felt even more so. His touch was so familiar and welcome that she couldn't help but relax into it.

"I knew you once," she mumbled, unsure of her words, the ones that were swimming around in her brain and making her feel mushy "There's a word in my head that I don't know in English that you have."

"I have?" his grey blue eyes were soft and understanding, more so than any other.

"Yeah," she bit down on her lip softly "You speak Russian too?"

"Yes."

"Do you know what Люблю is in English?"

The man stopped completely, his breath seemed to catch in his throat, his pulse in his other wrist became erratic, his pupils dilated.

"I'm sorry I can't tell you more," she mumbled, looking down at their intertwined hands "I wish I could remember." 

"The memories will take time, but they will come," he assured her, finally finding his voice again "Memories tend to just pop up."

"This doesn't feel real though," she admitted, looking aroun the room "All of this, I can't even tell if this is a dream."

"I can help with the memories," The scary brunette with the peculiar eyes was back with the rest of them, now accompanied with another man with a sharp brown beard "If you allow me, I can try and find a way to drag the memories out. It may hurt but it will work."

"You promise?"

"I promise."

Y/N looked around, taking time to soak in all of the faces of those around her before turning back to the mysterious woman.

"Then do it."

The strange woman raised her hands, a soft red glow emitting from them as she lifted them up th Y/N's head. Y/N gulped, closing her eyes automatically.

Memories started being dragged from Y/N's brain. She could feel herself starting to come back into her own body with her own emotions, her own abilities, her own memories. She smiled fondly, but then Wanda went deepers.

Everything that HYDRA had stolen away from her, her time there, all came back to the forefront of her mind. The torture, the destruction, the pain. All of the fury and rage and pain, so much pain, came into her that she couldn't control it anymore. A warmth spread through her fingers with the emotion, before bursting out and sending the energy flying through the air, knocking Wanda back and knocking Y/N unconscious.


	17. "I'm Not Who I Used to Be"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It both terrifies and excites me"

"There were six of us at any one time," You started, watching as the rest of the team took their seats around the debriefing room. Everything seemed a lot clearer now, and with your emotions under check it was much easier for you to control the energy that was inside of you. 

You had been cleaned and cared for, you had eaten, the mess that had become your hair had been cut into a much shorter style, but you liked it. Now wearing your own clothes with your old memories back you felt like something more like your old self. Even if something inside you knew you could never truly be the same after all this, you still felt better for being cared for. 

"When I first collapsed the wall, I knew people were coming. I heard their voices before anything else, knew they were coming to try and stop you guys. I found the spot in the wall with the least rubble and ducked under a table as it came down. When the people finally found me, they were going to kill me. Until I mentioned my parents."  
Bucky nudged Natasha from in front of you, and you raised an eyebrow at him to tell him to stop.

"They took me to them under the pretense that I had been wandering around looking for them and somehow got trapped in the middle of the battle. My father I think believed me, but my mother didn't seem so convinced. She locked me in a room and showed me pictures of you guys, claiming she knew that I knew you, that I was close to you. I didn't say anything and she left me alone after a couple of days locked on my own. 

"They took me around the base you found me at and started initiating me. Until the man who was in charge met me, I thought there might actually be a chance of my getting back. Mr Ivanov, he wanted me to be a part of the experimentations. He said I was perfect because of my background. My father agreed and prepped me.

"Ivanov had other plans though, he told my mother that I was not allowed to be a part of the experiments unless I was completely blank. They tricked me and wiped me completely."

This time when you looked at Bucky, he grimaced. You knew he could remember exactly how much the machine would hurt.

"To begin with when I forgot I was the only one of the six to talk. I would ask questions. They would answer with things like cutting me or breaking one of my fingers. After three wipes they got me to the point where I wouldn't ask any more questions. 

"They would attach us to these beds and strap down our head wrists and ankles, they would inject us with a blue liquid. Then there was the torture." 

You gulped, getting ready to try and explain it as calmly as possible you leant against the table.

"Each one of us was given a specific type. One of them was subject to poisonous plants, one to water torture, another being burnt, another held in an air chamber, one trained so hard she couldn't stand and I was electrocuted.

"The others didn't do so well. I never learnt their names, but I guess none of us knew our names to tell. We were all shoved into one cell at night, given basic rations to divide amongst ourselves. We were wiped regularly to stop us from learning too much about what was happening. 

"The blue liquid started to change four out of the five others. They became weak, their skin got paler, they seemed to shrink and wrinkle in on themselves like they were aging at an accelerated rate. Whenever they made us fight and train, they would also be slow and groggy.

"Me and one other male, we didn't deteriorate. The other male actually got stronger, he looked younger, moved quicker, spoke better. I didn't seem to change at all.  
"Then one day when they took us from the cell and into the lab where they strapped us down there was a tank for each of us. There was a large metal frame within it, obviously for us to stand on and five tubes to link us to the machines.

"They took all of the other five, two men held me back by my arms and made me watch. The four who had been getting worse were put in first, tubes in their shoulders lower back and hips. The same blue liquid they had been injecting into us filled up the tanks. Then there was some kind of light, like the one that's inside of me now. It came down the back of the containers and in through the tubes.

"They," you gulped, biting down on your lips harshly "They disintegrated straight away. Vanished into nothingness, as if the atoms themselves had been dissolved into the liquid. But the light remained for a few seconds before travelling back down the tubes.

"The man went next, they shoved him into the left one and went through the same progress with the liquid and the light, except this time all of the stuff that had gone into the other four went into him all at once.

"To begin with, it didn't seem like anything was happening. The light lit him up and he was fine, just floating there in some kind of sleep like state.

"The guards held a gun up to my head and I knew I was going to die. One way or another, container or bullet, I wasn't coming back. 

"But then the guy disintegrated too, turning into nothing more than atoms just like the others. The scientists inside clearly felt like I was the last chance before they strapped me in. They were desperate. 

"They filled the tank, plugged me into the tubes and it started. The energy felt as it took me over completely and I started remembering all of you. Your faces, your little things only you did. And I fought against it.

"But then all of the other tanks drained, and the energy took all of the important stuff from the other people and gave it to me. One of them was a top HYDRA fighting trainer so now I know all of his moves. One of them was a linguist, another was a psychologist, a Medical doctor and a computer scientist. I have their skills now, their areas of expertise is inside of me.

"After a while, it all faded and I was just the energy and the person without memories again. I don't know how long it was before you lot came to find me, but something inside of me woke up and I destroyed the lab and the people in it before I escaped and you found me."  
Silence filled the room, everybody taking in the long and troublesome story you had just told.

"How well can you control it then, this thing inside of you?" Tony questioned, clearly remembering the Accords and everything that had happened with Wanda before.  
"Pretty well, the electricity is the easiest to control besides this," you lifted your hand and allowed the white blue to dance around your finger tips "If it came down to it I'd probably be able to manipulate the other things too."

"I can help with training," Wanda offered "I think it's fair to say they sound pretty alike with the energy thing. Is that ok with you?"

"Yes, of course," you softened your face and smiled, relaxing somewhat from knowing you wouldn't be in this thing alone.


	18. Hallelujah

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "All you sinners stand up say hallelujah"

"If you can't stop shaking we can stop," Wanda looked at you with concern. It had been a couple of days since you had gotten back now and you felt more like your old self every day. 

It was hard that was for sure, and you felt a surge of pity for Bucky every time you heard yourself complaining. He had been through so much more and come so much further than you. 

You'd trained with Natasha Steve and even Bucky himself. You'd been able to pin Natasha a couple of times before, but now with this other guy inside of your head, you took her and Steve down nearly every single time. Bucky was more of a challenge, but you still managed more times than you ever had before.

Wanda was the thing that was proving the hardest. You wanted to focus on being able to control this thing completely before you did anything else like settling back in or trying to talk to Bucky about what had happened before that mission and your emotions. 

She had been training you hard, just like you had asked her to. She wasn't taking any prisoners here.

"I can't stop," you gasped for air, your whole body shaking with the effort of keeping yourself under control "I need to be able to control this before anything else can happen."  
"You mean with Barnes?" she smiled at you "You still...?"

"Well it's almost like all of the time didn't pass for me. I mean, I know it did but I wasn't really present for it," you moved your hands, the blue white energy forming through them without too much thought "I feel the same about him as I did when we left."

"He admitted to all of us how he feels about you too, you know."

Wanda's words took you back, making you turn to her with a slightly quirked eyebrow.

"No, no he didn't," you chuckled "He doesn't think of me that way.Especially now, look at me."

"The idea of him liking you back makes you happy," she pointed out, watching as the energy grew from your hands and illuminated the room to form things that looked like flowers bloom out of it "The earth thing happens when you're happy."  
You smiled "You tricked me to get me to show you my emotions?"

"No, he did actually say it. FRIDAY will probably have it on the security cameras if you really want to see."

More flowers bloomed on and around you, happiness taking over you entire being.

"Did Tony tell you he was going to throw a part to celebrate you being back tonight?"

"No, but I kind of assumed," you frowned, manipulating the energy so it shot from your hands and hit the targets dead in front of you to knock them over "It's Tony after all, I'm not going to stop him from being happy." 

"Do you think you can control this?" she gestured to the energy you were using to now move the water from the water cooler in waves above your head.

"Yeah, they had to teach us the basics like how to keep it under wraps or else we would have all destroyed each other and they would have been back a square one. Being able to keep it under wraps is the easy part, using it like this is harder."

"But you can when you let into your true emotions?"

"Yeah, just lean back and let it move right through me, with electricity it's simpler but I guess that's probably something to do with the torture training technique" you turned, moving the water over the both of your heads in a giant ball "Water is sadness, Fire is held within anger," a bright blue flame shot from your fingers, circling around the ball of water in ribbons "The air holds fear," a gust so large it blew out the fire blew from your lips as you spoke.

The water bubbled as if it was boiling before flowing back slowly into it's original container and sitting their as if nothing had happened to it.

"And Earth?"

You smiled, holding out your flattened palm to her and closing your eyes slowly, ignoring the slight tickling sensation in the middle of your palm as a single pure daisy grew from you "Like you said," you plucked it and tucked it behind your own ear "Happiness."

Moving back towards the centre of the room, you began to play with the electricity side of things again, only pausing when Natasha came into the large room. 

"Hey, Y/N," Nat greeted coming in and down the steps to stand next to Wanda "You almost done for the day?"

Wanda shrugged, looking to you to give the answer.

"I don't mind, I feel in control now."

"Then let's go, we have to go and get ready for tonight. It's your first proper night back and we need you to look killer."

"I wouldn't have it any other way." you beamed, allowing her and Wanda to lead you up and into the room to get ready.


	19. ILSYB

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING SUPER FLUFF 
> 
> Betty Who - I Love you Always Forever and ILYSB by LANY.
> 
> Bucky's suit is the one Seabass wore to the martian premier and the one Y/N is wearing is based loosly off of this http://i00.i.aliimg.com/wsphoto/v0/2029249992_1/Wholesale-2014-Sexy-New-Halter-Lace-Chiffon-Prom-Dresses-Beaded-Crystals-Appliques-Floor-Length-Evening-Gowns.jpg

_Feels like I'm standing in a taintless dream..._

Y/N looked stunning. As soon as Bucky's eyes landed on her, everything else about the party faded into the background. The guest, the indie pop, all of it disappeared into a fuzzy background as she entered the room.

It was pretty formal event, the outfits ranging from anything from the three piece Tony was wearing to the grey suit Steve was wearing or the simple grey dress Wanda wore to the striking floor length dress of Natasha.

But Y/N took away all of that. Bucky couldn't claim to know much about fashion or makeup, but everything you had done tonight was working. 

Despite your hair being remarkably shorter than before, it showed off the cool curve of you neck decorated in the high gold neckline of the dress. The top half was white lace, hugging your every curve as it trailed down the waistline where there was another line of gold stitching, letting down into a short white silk shirt which turned into chiffon as it trailed off of your back to trail behind you on the floor as you walked. Paired with bright red lipstick for a burst of colour and large chunky white heels with ankle straps, you felt unstoppable.

However good you thought you had looked though changed when you caught a glimpse of Bucky staring at you threw the thinning crowd. A dark blue suit that fit him perfectly, the blazer done up by a single button over a plain black shirt with the top few buttons undone, his long hair swept behind his ears. 

Part of you had expected him to have tied it up for tonight, but you were damn glad that he hadn't. Everything about him, from the way he looked to the way he was looking at you now as you made your way towards him slowly made you want to throw yourself into his arms and never let go. 

_Near and far, closer together. Everywhere, I will be with you..._

"Well don't you scrub up nicely, Sergeant," you beamed up at him, watching as his adam's apple bobbed in his throat. 

You knew he knew about your feelings by now, knew he felt the same way. You'd watched the footage Wanda had mentioned just to make sure.

"Doll, if you deck up like this on every formal occasion then I'm done for," he smiled back down at you lightly, taking his right hand out of his pocket. You watched as he lightly skimmed the softness of your arm, sending electricity down from everywhere he touched until he intertwined your fingers.

You smiled was twice as large when you looked back up and he gulped again, making his adam's apple go bobbing again. 

_You've got the most unbelievable blue eyes I've ever seen. You've got me almost melting away_

The music moved around the pair of you, something inside of you feeling much like the magnetic feeling you had first had when you'd leant against his arm by accident pulling the pair of you closer together until you realised what was happening, blushing and pulling away.

"I'm going to go get a drink," you bit your bottom lip lightly pulling away from him reluctantly.

Bucky wasn't going to let you go that easily, not this time. He kept his right arm on your lower back protectively as the pair of you made your way to the bar where the majority of the team were currently sitting. 

"Y/N!" Tony gleamed, pulling you into a tight hug "You look stunning!"

"Don't I always," you wiggled your eyebrows in response, spinning slightly "It wasn't my first choice, but someone convinced me that it was the right one," a sly wink in Wanda's direction.

"Now who do I have to kill to get a drink around here?"

\--------------------------

The hours had passed by you quickly, taking in every breath and drink, dancing with everybody who asked you to. Which turned out to be every single Avenger within the Tower as well as some of the guests you didn't recognise that well. 

Now you were standing out on the balcony, watching out over the New York city skyline as it twinkled in front of you. It was honestly mesmerizing watching the gleam from windows as they blurred together in front of you like old faded stars.

You shivered slightly, the cold air hitting you as you stood barefoot in the outdoors. Your feet were killing you, those heels were damn high. 

You sensed Bucky's presence without even having to turn around to see him. Something about him was different to the others now you had been changed, it was like a bright warmth blooming over you every time he entered the same room as you.

"Hey, Buck," you beamed, watching him as he gently undid his jacket and leant against the railing of the balcony in the same position as you.

"Are you not cold?" his voice was soft from talking more than he had in a long time, mostly with you to be fair, but still.

He watched you shrug lazily out the corner of his eye, taking his time to trail his eyes over your figure slowly. Every inch of you was perfect, inside and out, and he wanted to savour it at any opportunity he was given.

Shrugging off his jacket, he touched your shoulder gently to get you to look at him. You did, turning fully away from the banister and towards him. Softly he lay the material over your shoulders, and you knew he could feel the goosebumps that his touch caused from the smirk he wore.

"Thank you," you mumbled as he moved his hands down from your shoulders and onto your hips. You pressed your face into his warm chest, hands resting on the bare forearms from underneath his rolled up sleeves. The two of you moved slowly to the dying music from inside, it all seemed a lot calmer and quieter out here.

_And you need to know_

_You're the only one, alright... alright_

_And you need to know_

_That you keep me up all night, all night_

His metal hand moved slowly, as if it was doing so on it's own. Bucky couldn't help it, the way you looked right now pressed against him, the way you felt. Like you were a piece of a puzzle he had been missing for a very long time. 

He needed to tell you now before the moment slipped away.

He watched as you reacted to his touch, your chin coming up for you soulful eyes to look directly into him.

"Y/N..." he muttered, not being able to speak much above a whisper "Can I kiss you?"

"If you don't kiss me, I'll have to kiss you."

"Oh now that just won't do," he smiled, finally moving down to capture her lips in a kiss.

It was everything you could have ever hoped it would have been and more. Purity and innocence knocked you sideways as his mouth gently pressed against yours. Electricity tingled in your lips, your body automatically coming as close to his as you could, hands gripping on tightly to his forearms. It was unlike any other kiss you had experienced before. Magical, perfect, right.

If having you in his arms was good, kissing you was perfect. He never wanted to stop. The taste of you lips, the feeling of you pressed so closely against Bucky made him see fireworks behind his closed eyelids.

When the two of you finally pulled away for breath, your foreheads touched lightly, smiles covering the pair of your faces.

"You have no long I've wanted to do that," you smiled, running a hand softly against the rough stubble of his jaw.

"Show me," he mumbled, reconnecting his lips with yours once again, igniting a fire inside of you for him and only him that you knew would burn for a very long time. 

_And you need to know_  
You're the only one - alright, alright  
And you need to know  
That you keep me up all night, all night 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Turns out the man I met with secretly with was the wizard. I'm very grateful to him for once again pulling me out of the wormhole that drained me of my inspiration. I think I might bake him some cookies as a thank you.


	20. Death of A Genius

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lyrics from Death of A Bachelor and Crazy=Genius

Bucky smelt so amazing, his body pressed tightly against yours in an embrace that you never wanted to be parted from. 

The smell was something uniquely him, sandalwood from the body wash he used, mint from his shampoo, and just something pure and unadulterated sweet that you adored. Everything about this man, from his smell to way he was currently holding you wrapped up so securely in his arms, made you tingle all over.

You were in his bed the night after the party, his black button shirt on over you underwear, him in nothing but his boxers. Nothing had happened in the 'fondue' area, you'd kissed on the balcony and gone back for some privacy of the prying eyes of the party. You stayed up and talked most of the night, kisses flowing freely between the two of you.

He was stirring now as you looked up at him, finger trailing lightly against the stubble that was already appearing on his jaw from where he had been perfectly shaven last night.  
His bright eyes followed as your finger danced along his skin, smiling softly to himself before tugging in so your face fell in the crook of his neck. He wanted you to be as close as you possibly could, just in case this was a dream and he was forced to wake up. 

"Good morning," you mumbled lightly against his collarbone, kissing it lightly.

He hummed in response, kissing the top of your head "You're right, it is a good morning."

You chuckled softly, watching him intently as he unwrapped you slightly to lay directly opposite him, brushing the hair out of your face and running his hand down your arm the same way he had last night, intertwining your fingers.

You lent your forehead against his softly as he came towards, lips brushing over yours briefly before erupting in a smile.

"I wish this moment would never end," he mumbled against you, lips still barely touching.

"Me too," you sighed, hands resting on his elbow and behind your own head "You know if we go down there together then they're all going to jump on us and give us tips and everything," you chuckled, only half joking.

Bucky hummed in response, taking a moment to take in this moment, breathe in your smell, enjoy the feeling of you tangled up with him in pure innocence between the sheets "Tony is going to come down on me like a house of bricks. He said himself that you're like a little sister to him."

"Natasha and Wanda too," you bit your lip, suddenly nervous at the prospect of having to explain this to everyone "They know all of my previous relationships' secrets and they know how much I got hurt, they're going to use everything in their power to make sure that it doesn't happen again. I've got half a mind to say we just shouldn't tell them."

"Maybe you're right," Bucky mumbled, stroking along your knuckles softly.

"I mean, it's new and we're still trying to figure it out, we don't need anybody butting in and trying to tell us what it is we should or shouldn't be doing, right?"

"I agree," Bucky nodded softly "Don't need anymore death threats from Stark," he smirked.

"Then we don't tell them. That way we can pick when the time is right and nobody get their chops busted."

Bucky beamed down at you for your use of 40s lingo "Baby-Doll, I'd do anything for you, and if this is the start of us you can be damn sure I'm not going to let any of those knuckleheads get in the way, I'll mow 'em down."

"You're such an old man," you chuckled, pressing your lips to his, falling into his sweet embrace once more.


	21. MasterChef

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There isn't really a song for this one, I just love GBBO

Baking and or cooking when the whole team was in the tower was a difficult task to say the least. 

Usually when you finally had some time to bake now a days it was in the dead of night when you couldn't sleep, training keeping you busy mostly all day everyday now. 

Coulson had been very insistent on the fact that were still an Avenger but you had to be 110% in control of your powers before he allowed you back onto a mission. It seemed fair enough, but sometimes when you thought about it too much it riled you up. He didn't trust you, you knew you were in control, but he didn't agree and it rubbed you the wrong way slightly. 

Usually when you cooked now, Bucky would silently sneak into the kitchen with you, wrapping his arms around your middle and burying his nose in the crook of your neck, whispering sweet things to you that made all of the tension rush from your body.

You'd been doing quite well with the secret relationship thing too, sneaking kisses when nobody was around or paying attention, stealing away to each others rooms in the middle of the night just so you could talk privately or have make out sessions. Not that they had ever amounted to anything more; despite him denying it, you knew Bucky still wasn't confident enough with his metal arm not hurting you to go any further than heated make out sessions.

Right now, however, you weren't too preoccupied with the idea of Bucky's metal arm wrapping around you or doing things to you, or even with the training that had been so gruelling. 

No, right now you were too occupied with keeping the Avengers from eating the God Damned food before you were even done cooking it.  
b  
A rare day when all of you were free from duties and all in the same place was here, and seeing as your body clock was now geared to get up early, you couldn't help but remove yourself from Bucky's warm embrace and begin to move around the kitchen swiftly, creating whatever came to mind.

By the time the majority of the rest of the team were up, you'd already baked two sets of muffins (Bluberry as per one of Steve's requests that you make them again and Lemon and Poppy seed as per Tony's.)

It was well after lunch time that you noticed everybody moving in around you, chatting on the sofas, watching TV, generally relaxing in a state that you hadn't seen them in for a long time. 

You took a quiet moment whilst the latest batch of chocolate cupcakes were in the oven, watching as they all relaxed, breathing in deeply and closing your eyes with the calm atmosphere. 

A sudden beeping took you out of your thoughts, quickly making you slide over to the open and remove the cupcakes and placing them on a cooling rack and moving onto the brownie mixture that was half complete.

You were just about to spoon it into the bowl when Bucky came up behind you, gently touching the small of your back and leaning over the mixture. 

"What do you want, James?" you said, not looking up to him. Using his first name always let him know that he was in trouble, even if he hadn't done anything yet. 

"Oh, going for first names are we today, doll?" he smirked, looking at you with those gorgeous eyes. You didn't give him the satisfaction of looking back, if you did you knew it would be harder to not kiss him and continue cooking than you would have liked. You doubted you'd ever have a time in your life were his gorgeous eyes and wonderful lips didn't beg for you to kiss him .

"Depends if you're going to try and steal any of my food," you smiled in response, starting to spoon the mixture carefully into the tray with the spatula.

"Nah, you're sweet enough for me," he whispered in your ear, using your moment of blush to swoop into the mixture and drag one of his metal digits deeply into it, sucking it into his mouth.

You looked at him, wide eyes and annoyed, mouth slightly open. If you weren't so annoyed at the fact he'd just stolen some of the batter or that he'd been acting so nonchalant in front of everybody else about being in relationship, you would have noticed the way he was sucking that finger clean was making your legs shake slightly. 

"Get out of the kitchen, James." you glared, aiming the spatula directly at his chest.

He held up his hands in defeat, backing away from you slightly, but smiling widely at you all the same. You had to purse your lips in order to not smile back at him, being so damn cocky and cute. He was going to pay for it later.

"Fine, fine, but I'd be more preoccupied with what Stark's doing then attacking me with the spatula."

You turned at his comment, seeing Tony picking up one of the still hot cupcakes and going to take a bite out of it. He stopped at you glared at him, anger seeping into your body. Your training kicked in and you felt Bucky moving forward once again to take some more of the batter whilst you were distracted. Bu you moved quickly, throwing the spatula at Tony at full force, hitting him directly in the head and throwing your other hand up to create a ball of electricity that surrounded your brownie batter just as Bucky was about to put another finger into it.

"Both of you are banned from the kitchen when I'm cooking or much worse will happen, capiche?"

It was so much harder as the day progressed, even without Tony and Bucky coming into the kitchen. Thor had come in on more than one occasion, trying to use fancy words to get you to give him something, which hadn't worked and had just gotten him banned from the kitchen. T'Challa had wandered past at one point and just taked a cupcake you had literally just finished icing and taken a huge bite out of it, seemingly oblivious to the fact he wasn't allowed to just take your baking without asking first. Natasha had snuck in when you were distracted, managing to take three things and run away with them into the air vents where she and Clint were hiding out, you left yelling obscenities at her. 

You'd banned everybody else from the kitchen at that point, only allowing for Parker and Cassie to come in and help you and take small samples of the food.

By the time you had finished everybody was back in the common room, the more sensible people like Steve and Sam protecting the kitchen from further attack whilst you gratefully put the finally touches on the last of the cupcakes.

In total you'd managed to make the muffins, chocolate vanilla and red velvet cupcakes, one enormous tray of brownies and the biggest lasagna you had ever made which was now cooking in the oven ready for dinner. 

"Right," you clapped your hands and rubbed them together, dusting yourself off slightly. Everyone in the common area looked at you from where they had been relaxing, or in Tony's case, trying to get round the barrier of Steve. 

"Steve, Blueberry muffins are yours, take them and do what you want, attack people, eat them, shove 'em into Tony's face, don't care. Just make sure you get them." you'd somehow managed to reach up and place them on a ridiculously high shelf you were sure Steve and some of the others could reach, but not if he defended them correctly.  
"Tony, the lemon and poppy seeds were just going to be for you but you've annoyed me so I've put them in the fridge for everybody. Wanda, Vision, Bruce, Parker, Scott, Sam and Steve you can all come and have first dibs. But you're not eating them now and ruining this dinner I've made for you so be careful which you pick."

"How come we don't get to pick?" Clint piped up, voice full of annoyance.

"Because you stole from me and I don't like your attitude, so suck it Barton." you pointed your finger at hi accusingly "You thiefs and mongrels only get what I give you after you've eaten or nothing at all. If I hear so much as a squeak of protest I will give these seven the entirety of all of this and you guys can go suck eggs."

Nobody dared to argue with you after that or when you were baking ever again.


	22. ASSEMBLE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The group chats are hilarious, if mostly pointless

_Tony has created a chat group._

_Tony has added Steve, Bucky, Sam, Parker, Thor, Wanda, Natasha, Clint, Y/N, T'Challa, Bruce and Scott._

_Tony has named the group; ASSEMBLE_

Tony: Hey guys

Steve: Hi

Y/N: God I never should have introduced you to group chats

Tony: I'm offended

Y/N: Good

Natasha: Seriously Tony?

Bucky: Why is my phone beeping so much?

Wanda: Oh God, Y/N, you've doomed us all

Bruce: This won't end well

Y/N: I know I'm sorry

_Tony has renamed the group chat to: Moaning Bitches_

Natasha: Language

Sam: Language

Bucky: Language 

Bruce: Language

Wanda: Language

Vision: Language

Steve: I'm never going to live that down am I?

Y/N: Probably not, no

Bruce: Why is this even a thing, Tony? Why bother setting this up?

Tony: Why NOT bother setting it up? It could be fun.

Bucky: Or you could just talk to us like any other person

Sam: Most people do use these things, Barnes. Don't be such a grumpy old man.

_Tony has changed Bucky's name to; Grumpy old man_

Grumpy Old Man: Seriously?

Tony: I think it suits you

_Y/N had changed Tony's name to; TinMan_

TinMan: I hate you, Y/N.

Grumpy Old Man: How did you do that, Y/N?

Y/N: I showed Tony the app but he forgets that I'm pretty good with technology too.

Bruce: Nicely done

Natasha: Girl power

Y/N: Please never say that again, Nat.

Natasha: GIRL POWER

Wanda: Seriously guys, how do I turn this off, my phone is going crazy.

Y/N: I can remove you from the chat if you want?

T'Challa: And me please, I'm in the middle of something

Scott: Me too, Cassie is complaining that I'm not paying attention to her

Thor: I do not understand

Parker: Take me out too! I'm studying!

Y/N: Ugh, fine. You guys really are moaning bitches.

_Y/N has removed Wanda, T'Challa, Scott and Parker from the conversation_

TinMan: You're ruining all the fun, Y/N

Steve: I think she's actually being quite sensible here

Clint: Jesus this is more messages than the last time Laura went into labour

Y//N: How is Nathaniel?

Clint: Sleeping, bt if this thing keeps going off he won't be for long

Tony: Just put it on silent?

Natasha: Is Laura not there?

Clint: She deserves time off from being a mom every now and again, she's gone out

Natasha: I can come help?

Clint: I can handle my own kids

Y/N: Riiiiiight

Tony: Of course you can, bird brain

Clint: Ugh

_Clint has left the group chat_

Thor: I still do not understand the significance of this group chat

Grumpy Old Man: It's because Tony can't be bothered to get off his ass and come talk to us

TinMan: Hey, Clint is at home, Natasha is probably half way there by now, Steve is wherever Steve is and I haven't seen you or Y/N all day!

Y/N: If you wanted to see me you could have just texted me and asked me where I was

Steve: Yeah, this thing literally has no point to it 

TinMan: Fine, Y/N, where are you?

Y/N: Nowhere 

Thor: You can't be nowhere,you must be somewhere

TinMan: She's just messing with me

Natasha: 'Atta girl

TinMan: I'm going to find you, Y/N, I still have GPS on everybody's phones

Y/N: Later, losers

_Y/N has disconnected_

 

TinMan: Damnit, I'm going to find you

_Grumpy Old Man has disconnected_

Steve: Why did Bucky go too?

Natasha: They're probably hiding together

Thor: They do seem to be spending a lot of time together recently

Sam: He still hasn't asked her out yet?

Steve: No

Natasha: He totally should because Y/N totally has a thing for him still

Sam: We should get them together

Steve: Sam, no

Natasha: SAM YES

Thor: I'm not sure how you would do that

Natasha: Watch and learn boys, watch and learn

_Natasha has renamed the chat: Project get Bucky and Y/N to date._


	23. LA Devotee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You've got 2 black eyes from loving too hard,"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: SMUT AHEAD, I REPEAT, MAJOR SMUT AHEAD
> 
> PSA aside, this took me forever simply because I felt like Bucky is such a certain way in this respect and I had to find the right balance.
> 
> Anyway, enjoy, ya filthy animals.

You were making yourself some lunch the first time it happened. You hadn't even noticed Sam come into the kitchen to do the same, all cock sure and strutting like he was going to win some grand prize. 

Tony had been behind him, obviously trying to hold in the snicker that was going to escape his mouth at the prospect of what was about to happen.   
"Hey, Y/N," he greeted. You watched cautiously as he slided closer and closer to you, thankfully you were nearly done and could escape away to your room before he made things any more uncomfortable.

"Hi, Sam."

"Is it hot in here or is it just you?"

You scoffed, rolling your eyes and baking out of the kitchen he was now taking over with his stretched out body.

"It's fucking freezing in here actually, but mostly because I'm icing you. Nice try though," you walked down the hall to eat in the privacy of your room, the peels of Tony's laughter echoing off the hall around you as you left.

It had continued for a while, gradually getting worse and worse. Sam seemed to tone it down after you got back, treating you like you wouldn't react in the same way you always did of shutting him down in some way. But since your little cooking incident and proving you were strong enough to go back on missions with the rest of the team, he had gone back to usual old self around you. 

This time though, you were with Bucky. He'd mentioned when you had first started seeing each other than he didn't always like the way that Sam flirted with you, treating you like you were an object. You shrugged it off, ensuring him you felt nothing for Sam and he was only trying to be funny, that you wanted Bucky and only Bucky. 

You were currently straddling Bucky's lap in the most heated make out session to date as some cheesy horror movie played in the background. The two of you had been flirting more than usual today, enjoying the fact it was just the two of you in the tower, being able to openly kiss and interact with each other. It felt completely different to the usual sneaking around, it felt completely right. Being able to kiss him whenever you wanted, having him sneak up behind you and whisper into your ear. Things had definitely turned slightly sexual in the last twelve hours alone, and you were welcoming this side of Bucky who seemed to want you in more ways now, who didn't care about his arm.

His arms were wrapped tightly around you, slowly sliding under the hem of your shirt to rub circles in the smooth bare skin he had exposed, your hands were intertwined behind his neck, body pressed as close to him as you could possibly be. You knew this was going somewhere, hoped to God it continued at the same slow sweet pace the two of you had set together.

That was until the sound of the Quinjet came roaring above your heads followed quickly by the elevator sliding open. You barely had time to slide off of Bucky's lap and a respectful distance away, just as the team came in and separated the pair of you further by sitting in between.

You mentally groaned, there went your plans for the evening. And the hot heat from between your legs that Bucky had started was sure as hell not going anywhere any time soon. And there wasn't any chance now the team was back you'd be able to sneak off to his room either. Looks like you'd have to deal with it on your own.

So caught up in your own thoughts you failed to notice Sam had pretended to yawn and put his arm around the back of the sofa you were sitting on. Very slowly he let it fall to rest on your shoulders.

You jumped out of your thoughts, grabbing his arm and throwing it off of you, annoyed at him for disrupting you and Bucky as well as your train of thought. 

"Jesus, Y/N, are you ok?" Sam suddenly looked full of concern, taking your wrist gently "Are you hurt?"

"What, no?" you frowned, so not in the mood for any shit right now "Why on earth would I be hurt?"

"Well it must have hurt when you fell from heaven."

A loud groan came from the group collectively, and you knew Bucky was glaring at Sam, hating every inch of him right now.

"Are you calling me lucifer?" you deadpanned at him.

"Wait, what?" Sam looked taken aback from your quick response.

"Lucifer? You know, Satan AKA the fallen Angel? For fuck's sake Sam, if you can't even do the most basic pick up line right, why do you try?" 

You stood up, suddenly exhausted, trudging yourself off to your room. By the time you go to the elevator and pressed the button to bring it to you you could feel a presence behind you. You turned, ready to give whoever it was a piece of your mind, but as you did all you felt was a pair of familiar lips crashing against yours.

You breathed in harshly through your nose, Bucky's smell over taking you senses. Everything about him intoxicated you, the ways his hands grabbed desperately at your thighs, how his body pressed so perfectly against yours, the insane pressure he was putting into this kiss like he was a man dying of thirst and you were the rain. 

Vaugely you were aware of your back having been pushed up against the elevator by the force of the kiss, and now you were tumbling through, only to have Bucky lift you up against the railings and begin to bite down your neck, drawing whimpers from your mouth.

"Nobody gets to talk to my girl that way," he growled, sucking a harsh mark just below your collarbone "I hate it so much when he talks to you like that."

You gasped as he bit down on the sensitive area of flesh he had just bruised, hands gliding from his biceps up to tangle in the bottom of his hair "Buck..."

As soon as the elevator came to your floor he hooked his left arm under your ass, your legs automatically wrapping around his hips as he carried you to your bedroom. The kiss continued, hot and feverish. He was making the ache he had started earlier to increase tenfold, and you ground down onto his hips to show him how badly you needed him. He growled, leaving one last nip to your earlobe as he dropped you, allowing you to open the door for the pair of you.

He grabbed you by your hips as soon as it was shut, once again claiming your mouth with his, tongue swirling around yours, his hands tightly on your ass, yours tightly wound in his hair. 

His hands that had been so gentle with your t-shirt before hand, now seemed desperate to get it off. He pulled it over your head, separating for only a moment before he continued to kiss you with as much passion and force as he wanted to. 

You weren't complaining, this was as hot as hell. Everything about him was, but this, the way he was being so forceful and yet so passionate made your stomach do flips.   
His shirt was soon discarded too, quickly followed by both of your jeans, leaving you both in just your underwear. You both stood for a moment standing opposite one another, heavy breathing and lust blown pupils. He was drinking you in, taking every slight curve and edge of your body into consideration, licking his lips and breathing heavily.  
The way his eyes looked, so primal and wanting, wanting _you _made you squirm. His heavy breathing mirrored yours, his gorgeous chest rising and falling, a slight sheen of sweat forming over his skin, his boxers hanging slightly off of his perfect V shape.__

__He moved first, rushing towards you once again to kiss you, teeth and tongues and perfection in those moments. You were placed down on the edge of the bed, his kisses moving to your jaw, your neck, your collarbones and all the way down to your bra._ _

__He lingered there for a moment, kissing over the line of the cup, hands gripping tightly into the sheets next to you. Bucky pressed quick sloppy kisses over the lace, hands going up to release you from the bra. He threw it across the room to who cared where and began to suck and bite and lick at your chest, teasing you._ _

__You ran your hands softly through his hair, moaning softly, arching your back up towards his mouth and leaning your head back. You could feel his smile on your skin as he continued, slowly moving down to where your panties covered your wet heat._ _

__"So good for me, baby girl," he cooed, your back softly hitting the bed as he kissed along your thighs "Been wanting to kiss you everywhere all day, wanting to hear what noises you'd make for me,"_ _

__You shuddered as he ran his tongue along the outline of your lips, bucking your hips up automatically. He smiled on your thighs, biting down slightly right on the apex, and you gasped again, clawing at his shoulders._ _

__"Bucky, please," you gasped, grinding your hips for more friction "Please."_ _

__"Please what, princess?" He cooed, blowing cool air gently over your drenched panties._ _

__"Please, touch me..." you groaned, unsure you could manage much else._ _

__"Only because you asked so nicely," he smirked, gently biting onto the hemline of your panties and dragging them down to your ankles where you could kick them off.  
His tongue dove straight to where you needed it most, licking a harsh stripe up the inside of your folds, his mouth moving in ways you'd never thought you'd feel before. Fair to say the men you had slept with had never been very into oral, and when they had attempted it you hadn't exactly felt fireworks._ _

__But right now, here with Bucky, it was like you were loosing your God Damned mind. His tongue would curl and flick, his fingers digging into the soft skin of your thighs gorgeously with just the right amount of pressure so you knew there would be marks there._ _

__The overwhelming urge to grab onto something washed over you as he gently slid two digits inside of you and began pumping, looking up at you with those perfect steel blue eyes through thick lashes. You desperately wanted to express the intense pleasure he was giving you, but you bit down on your hand, the other twisting in the sheets, if the others heard then you knew you would never live it down in a million years. But it just wasn't enough._ _

__Those eyes burned into you as his lips took on a smirk, his metal hand keeping pressure on your thigh to keep it from closing in around his head, moving to suck on your clit relentlessly, the pleasure not ceasing even as you begin to whimper and writhe._ _

__Bucky kicked an eyebrow as you looked at him, fist moving constantly to try and get a good grip on something, anything when it clicked with him. Slowly he removed his fingers from you and touched your wrist, not stopping with his tongue as he guided your hands to his hair._ _

__You let out another small moan from behind your hand, hesitant at hurting him too much if he didn't want it._ _

___Why would he put your hand there if he didn't want you to pull?_ some barely coherent part of your mind spits back at your insecurities, making you tug slightly at his soft hair._ _

__Bucky smirked again, diving back into you at full force, tongue pushing hard against your clit, fingers scissoring inside and stretching you, going all the way to the third knuckle at an unruly pace._ _

__And then, despite whatever insecurities you might have had about pulling his hair, his fingers curled inside of you and you forgot them, the pleasure and the oncoming climax too much for you. You tugged him harshly at the roots where your hand happened to be pulling through._ _

__And good GODS the moan that came from deep inside the back of his throat made your legs shake even harder, made you grind your hips down onto his mouth, desperately ready to cum._ _

__You pulled again, slightly harsher this time, and Bucky let out such a low long moan against you that you couldn't help but come undone all over his mouth, shaking and sweaty underneath his touch._ _

__He didn't stop even after you were finished, continuing to lick at you and pump, if somewhat slower._ _

__"You taste so good, doll," he grumbled, moving to kiss up your thighs and your stomach, fingers still moving inside of you. By this time, your brain had almost caught up with the rest of your body, and you knew that you both wanted each other too badly to do much else._ _

__You allowed him to move you softly to the centre of the bed, fingers still moving torturously slowly inside of you, his lips now paying attention to your collarbone and neck. Your brain moved as slowly as he did, this man was going to make you insane it seemed._ _

__Running your hands over his taut shoulders, down his back and circling back round to the front of his boxers, you lightly played with the material, pulling it taut and then allowing it snap against his hips in a satisfying way._ _

__His fingers inside of you stopped immediately, a harsh hiss of air coming from between his teeth against your ear "Baby doll, what are you doing to me?"_ _

__You leaned up slightly, moving your palm down to cup him fully. His outline was clear beneath the thin fabric, and from the way he once again hissed and moved his hips towards you as you started stroking softly, he liked it._ _

__"You were so good to me, I want to be good to you too..." you cooed, leaving a hot wet kiss right below his ear. Your hands pushed down his boxers slowly, just as slowly as he had been teasing you, continuing to whisper into his ear as they went._ _

__"I wanna make you feel as good as you make me feel, Buck. Wanna tease you like you teased me, wanna feel you in my mouth..."_ _

__Bucky groaned, low and deep against your ear, bucking his hips into your hand in search of some kind of friction "Doll..."_ _

__"What? Do you not want me to, Buck?" You murmured, biting softly against his lobe "Do you not want me to pleasure you?"_ _

__He growled slightly, taking your hands and pinning them above your head, sucking a harsh hickey into the top line of your breast the made you yelp out slightly._ _

__"Oh God knows I do, Y/N, but you look way too good right now for me to let you," he smirked, looking back up at you "I want you, want to be inside of you, want you begging for me and me alone..."_ _

__You smirked right on back, a new wave of confidence rushing through you as you realised you were the one who made him so turned on. You were the one he wanted to be with. He thought you were sexy, thought you were hot and stunning and beautiful and all of the other adjectives and adverbs he had used for you._ _

__He wanted you. And you wanted him. Who were you to deny either one of you?_ _

__"Why don't you then?"_ _

__He lunged forward, grabbing your lips into another heated kiss, metal hand staying on your wrists and keeping you pinned down beneath him where he could see all of you, the other guiding his tip towards your core._ _

__He looked down at you, something different in his steely blue eyes that made you think something was going on in his head. Softly you freed one of your hands and cupped his jaw, pressing a soft open mouth kiss to his lips. If he think you didn't want this as much as he did, then he was sorely mistaken._ _

__He pushed into you, letting out a long breath as he did so, the hand that had been cupping his jaw sliding back up into his hair to tug lightly as if acting on it's own accord.  
He felt perfect, the way he stretched and fit inside of you, the way his breathing came ragged and harsh next to your ear, the way his hair fanned out around his face. You'd never felt anything like it with any of your previous partners, it had never felt this right before. _ _

__He stayed still for a while, breathing you in, laying tentative kisses along your neckline as he waited patiently until..._ _

__"Bucky, bloody well move already," you groaned impatiently, lifting your hips slightly to try and gather some friction._ _

__He chuckled and complied, pulling all the way out before pressing right back into you. You moaned, leaning your head back and gripping his hair slightly tighter. He groaned in response as he pushed all the way back in, much quicker this time than he had when he'd first gone in._ _

__Quiet moans filled the room, the smell of sex and sweat lingering in the air as the two of you began to speed up without even having to talk to each other. Bucky made a mental note of the speeds and levels of harshness that made it particularly hard for you to keep your voice down, swallowing down your moans and whimpers when you couldn't._ _

__Your walls contracted around him as he shifted, pulling one of your thighs up and around his waist so he could thrust into you at a different angle. The noise was obscene, flesh slapping hard against flesh, and you knew you would have bruises from the way he was gripping onto your thigh and holy shit you didn't care at all._ _

__Because now he was thrusting hard and fast, his breath still in your ear, small noises coming from the back of his throat, completely lost in the bliss that the pair of you had created and it all felt so right and so good._ _

__Very quickly you could feel that tight tense coil begin to form in your stomach, your throat giving out a high pitched version of Bucky's name in his ear to try and give him some kind of warning._ _

__He removed his hand from your wrist, grabbing your other leg to wrap around his hip, supporting himself by his forearms as he ploughed into you, grunting quietly in your ear. The new angle meant your hips tilted up to meet his, perfectly aligning the head of his cock with your g-spot, sending sparks flying across your vision._ _

__"James," you gasped, tugging on his hair with more pressure than before. Again that same growl from deep within the back of his throat came in response._ _

__"I know baby, I am too," he managed between his laboured breaths._ _

__Your own breath clung to your throat, barely managing to get out past the pants and moans and soft cries of his name. Hi voice continued in your ear, thrusts becoming erratic as he chased his high with you, hitting your g-spot every single time until you knew that it was about to happen._ _

__"James," you warned, voice soft and breathless._ _

__""Cum for me baby girl," he growled "Let me know how much you love it."_ _

__You came undone on his words, vaguely aware of the fact he had cum too and only barely managing to keep your voice down as he kissed you and continued to thrust, the pressure driving you insane as you rode through your orgasm with him._ _

__It took a minute or two for you to completely come down, body covered in sweat and Bucky above you, still resting on his forearms as he kissed your neck softly and tenderly. The two of you stayed there for another minute in the quiet, soaking in each others presence and basking in what had just happened._ _

__Bucky pulled out of you with a soft groan and rolled to the side of you, grabbing your hips playfully and bringing you to his chest. A soft laugh escaped your lips as he did, making him smile in response._ _

__"So, I should probably have gotten Sam to flirt with me in front of you a long time ago if that's what happens."_ _

__Bucky laughed in response, moving the hair out of his face and leaving a kiss against your forehead "If you think that Sam is the entire reason behind that then you're sorely mistaken," he clutched your hip again, leaning his forehead against yours "I'm completely crazy about you, Y/N."_ _

__You couldn't help but beam, running your hands softly down the panes of his chest "So I don't have to flirt with people in order for you to do that again?"_ _

__"Hell no," Bucky smiled, clutching your jaw gently and leaning down once more to kiss you._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm such a slut for Bucky


	24. Fly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Are we going to ignore the fact I just got thrown off of a roof?!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was fun to write

Lavish. Over the top. Extraordinary. All words that had popped into your head as soon as you entered the place you were infiltrating.

First mission back: simple infiltrate and extract. Namely the hostages that this particular D-bag had taken. It wasn't anything you hadn't done before, but usually they kept them in shabby worn down areas. This place was a mansion by all accounts.

Sure it was right in the middle of nowhere and you'd gotten past the security cameras efficiently and you had back up on the line if you needed it, but for your first solo mission it had seemed a bit much.

When you'd really thought about it, your first mission back being a solo mission smelt fishy too. Again, you had Steve on the line and Bucky, Clint and Wanda nearby, but when you had first been briefed it stuck out as odd. 

It took you the rest of the day and the majority of the quinjet ride to figure out exactly what was going on. This was the ultimate test.

Sure, Coulson could have put you in bubble wrap and sent you on an extract with tons of other people in the usual location; but that wouldn't have been a test. This way you were exposed, out in the open in a situation that could test all of your abilities, and whether or not you were going to use your new ones.

He wasn't just testing your ability as a human, but your humanity when deciding whether or not to use your powers.

It was clever, you could give him that. A risk for sure, if it went badly who knew what could happen, but a clever one. And by the time you figured it out, it instilled you with a sense of confidence. Because not only had he stuck his neck out on the line in trust of you but he'd probably had to convince other people too, and that would have been hard.

And this place sure as hell was a test. Security cameras, large gates, security guards. And all of this over one little scientist. You weren't high enough up to know exactly why he was taken, to be honest you didn't care. It wasn't important. Or if it was, it wasn't worth screwing the mission over.

You'd managed to sneak your way towards the attic where you had felt the source of quivering energy small enough to be a human that wasn't one of the hired goons. Most of them had been emitting a bright red energy, you'd trained yourself for long enough to know meant trouble. But this one was small and blue and quivering and stood out like a sore thumb cowered in the corner of the attic.

You made your way up until you were on the final floor, ducking into a cupboard as a goon walked by, holding your breath so you didn't alert him to your presence. As soon as he was gone, you went to move again, but something above you caught your eye. A small square cut out of the ceiling and covered over with some kind of wood.

An entrance to the attic.

"How's it going, Y/N?" Steve's voice crackled through the headset, almost making you jump.

"Fine," you whispered back, finger pressed to the com in your ear "Nothing to report yet. I think the hostage is in the attic."

"Good, just remember you have backup if you need it."

"Roger that, Rogers."

There was a short laugh from the end of the line before Steve disconnected, leaving you in silence.

You once again focused on the entry to the attic. The ridges in the indent looked enough for you to hold onto, but moving the plank that covered it would be hard with one hand.

Surely you couldn't hurt anybody by moving the wood with your powers? Sure it might freak out the hostage slightly, but if you could do it quickly and quietly before entering, he might not even notice.

You lifted your hand, biting on your lip harshly as you concentrated on the plank. It was ten times lighter when using your powers, it easily lifted and moved to the side just enough for you to squeeze in before setting down silently.

Smiling, you jumped and heaved yourself up and through the hole to look round the attic. It was pitch black and covered in a thick layer of dust, making it hard to see and breathe.

A small whimper caught your attention, you spun in the direction of the noise and held out your hand to emit a soft glow of light so you could see.

There wasn't just one hostage, there were five. All male, early twenties, huddled in a corner together and looking at you with wide fearful eyes.

You held up your hands, realising your powers were probably scaring them. You allowed the ball to float by your side, taking a slow step towards them "I'm here to help," you whispered "I'm not going to hurt you, I promise."

One of them flinched as you moved, another moving a hand to point behind you in terror. You spun, expecting the attack, you grabbed their wrist and spun them into the ground, forcing their chin at an awkward angle as your eyes darted around looking for any other danger. 

When you'd decided that there wasn't you turned back to the task at hand, pressing a finger to your ear.

"There's five of them Steve," you rushed out in a whisper "Somebody was in here with them, they attacked me and they're down now but there could be any number of others in here. There's a cupboard with an entry point on the third floor, I'm going to need that backup."

"Understood," Steve sounded like the news stressed him out. Maybe he was one of the people Coulson had had to convince...

"Barnes, Maximoff and Barton are on there way. Give them three minutes. Just stay where you are and-"

A large bang cut him off, you turned, throwing a hand out protectively towards the hostages, your other one on your holster.

Silence dragged through the room for what felt like minutes before another crash sounded and three more goons came hurtling towards you.

You ducked, moving swiftly across the floor to swoop ones legs from out under him, the second being tackled by a sharp blow landing to his neck and the third standing off with you. He stared at you, eyes detached and cold. You were positive you looked the same, hard and determined, just for different reasons.

He grabbed a knife from his belt and fluttered it around him like he was showing off. Right as he started coming at you, you moved, grabbing one of the throwing knives from your belt and throwing it swiftly through the air so it dug into his thigh.

Letting out a sigh of relief, you turned back to the hostages, another bang catching your attention. Somebody had just opened the main hatch to the attic, looked in and left. They were getting backup.

You jumped back round again when another noise came at you, but quickly relaxed when you saw your teammates clambering through the hole you'd entered earlier.

Their eyes swept over you and then the hostages, taking in the situation before Barton started looking for an exit point and Maximoff and Barnes came towards you.

"Are you OK?" Bucky clutched your elbow lightly, concern in his eyes.

"I'm fine, Buck. I'll be better when we get these guys out of here."

He nodded, going over to talk to Barton about something, leaving you with Wanda.

The pair of you looked at each other for a moment to register the energy pouring off of each other in waves from the adrenaline rush. You smiled first, causing her to smile back at you, sharing the inside joke.

"Over here," Clint called, watching as you walked over, leaving Wanda to guard "We can get onto the roof from here. Steve can hover the quinjet over whilst someone draws fire and we can get them out."

"I can put a forcefield over the jet," Wanda added "Keep everyone safe."

"Great. So me and Y/N will draw fire.?

You nodded, ignoring the look Bucky was giving you right now.

"Right, Bucky get the hostages in some kind of order. We're doing this thing now."

The hole Clint had found was luckily large enough for you to all crawl through one at a time, leading out to a covered wall without many guards below. Bucky sniped them easily, you doing your best not to look at him when he did. That sort of thing wasn't appropriate on a mission.

Wanda built the forcefield quickly, allowing herself, the hostages and Bucky to all clambered in the jet.

And just when it had been going so smoothly.

Guards armed to the teeth came up behind you and Clint, knocking yof off of the roof to hang on by your finger tips. Clint took him down quickly, pulling you back up, buy Wanda had already dropped her forcefield and the jet was taking fire. Steve had had to pilot it further away to get out safely, shouting in your ear that you either jumped now or ran.

Three more guards came up behind you, Clint's eyes wide at you as the pair of you stood on the edge of the building.

"After you," you smiled, extending a hand.

"Ladies first," he shot back, extending his own hand, turning back swiftly to shoot the three guards.

You turned to see what he was doing just as his hand landed squarely in the middle of your back, sending you flying off the edge of the building towards the ground.

If he was trying to push you onto the jet, he certainly failed in that. Now you were too close to the building, too close to the ever approaching ground.

"Whatever you do, stay calm."

Coulson words from earlier rang in your head, making your eyes snap open and your palms fly out towards the ground. A large gust of air blew you upwards, catching the electricity that surged through your body and controlling it. You maneuvered just in time, lifting yourself upwards like some kind of puppet so you landed softly on the entry point of the wing where Clint was currently standing.

Steve took off, kicking by the jet into speed as soon as Clint confirmed you were in with them.

"You bird brain!" you shoved his chest forcefully "Pushing people off of roofs? Seriously?"

"What? You're fine aren't you?"


	25. Bet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony places a bet on Y/N that he didn't really think through

"Hey, Y/N, I bet you five dollars I can beat you in a race down to the gym."

"Y/N, I bet you fifteen dollars you can't hit the centre target with your gun."

"OK, fair play, but I bet you twenty that you can't hit it with a knife."

"Fine, fifty you can't hit the furthest one away dead centre with your powers."

"$100 dollars says you can't lift me up."

This was getting ridiculous. Sure, you were now $190 richer, but at the rate Tony was going you'd be buying everyone Schwarma for the next month.

You were currently holding him up, vines wrapped around his arms to get him three foot off the ground, and you were panting heavily.

"Had enough?" you groaned, dropping him unceremoniously back onto the ground and clutching your side where a stitch was evolving.

"Nah, I want to win it back."

You kicked an eyebrow up at him, this man was going to end up killing someone.

"Double or nothing, you can't pin Barnes down on the mat."

You looked over to where Tony was looking; Bucky covered in sweat, a tight grey shirt hugging his torso, loose trousers hanging off of his v dip, covered in sweat and fighting with Steve.

The pair of you had been eyeing each other all day appreciatively. You'd worn the gym shorts he'd bought you and a sports bra just to try and rile him up a little bit. It was clearly working, he kept glancing at you every five seconds and trying to rile you up too, fixing his trousers or tying his hair up and giving you that look that meant there would be trouble later.

You bit your lower lip and looked to Tony "He's sparring with Steve. He isn't going to want me to interrupt."

"You sure about that?" Tony was still looking at Bucky, as he finished his match and looked at you, chewing the inside of his lip and shooting a wink at you.

You turned back to the billionaire playboy philanthropist "Sorry Tony. I'm neither giving or taking $380 from you."

"$400 and you get to be real close to your crush?"

You glared at Stark, trying to guess his intentions. It could just have been because he was bored, but something about the way he was looking between you and Bucky had you second guessing that.

"Fine, deal." you shrugged, watching as he hollered over to the super soldiers.

"Fancy giving Y/N a turn, Frosty?"

Bucky turned from Steve to you and Tony, looking you up and down again before shrugging "Sure."

You gulped, walking over to the mat with your heart in your throat. You already knew something was going to happen tonight from the way you'd both been subtly teasing each other, but doing this might actually make it even harder for you to keep your voice low enough so the rest of the team didn't hear you.

You added a slight sway to your hips as you walked over, smirking at the way Bucky failed to keep his mouth closed.

"Come on then, old man," you continued to smirk, taking a defensive stance opposite him "Let's make this quick, the shower is calling my name."

The reaction from Bucky was predictable, his mouth snapped further open, his eyes glossing over, pupils blowing wide. You took his distraction, jumping in and using the move Natasha had taught you of wrapping your thighs around his head. It worked well enough, and because it was you, he didn't straight away try to remove you.

You used that too, taking his weight and pushing slightly so he fell to the ground, whipping around his body to press your knee into his back and grab his metal arm beneath your palm.

He groaned beneath you, his hips jutting into the floor uncomfortably.

You stood up swiftly, brushing yourself off and walking back over to Tony "I want the cash in an envelope by the end of the day."

Bucky's eyes watched as you left, the swing still in your hips. You were so in for it tonight.

\---------------------------------------------

"So why haven't you asked Y/N out yet?"

Bucky almost spat his drink out from Tony's question. Sure truth or dare seemed like a good idea when it started, innocent and simple with beer and the boys, but now Bucky was regretting that choice. He should have stayed with you like you had suggested.

"Because she's Y/N," he shrugged in response, not bothering to come up with a more convincing lie "Would you be able to ask her out?"

Tony shrugged too, taking a sip of his drink "She's like a sister to me, I don't think of her that way. But Wilson might."

"I've been trying for long enough," Sam chuckled, watching as Bucky ground his teeth "Come on, man, you can't just sit around pretending not to like her forever, you need to tell her."

Bucky couldn't help it anymore, he needed to tell them before Sam made another move on you.

"Well, actually,"

"Hey boys," Nat greeted, leading you and Wanda into the room and grabbing three drinks "Mind if we join you?"

"Do we really have a choice?" Clint joked.

"Nope," Natasha replied, sitting down next to him and taking a sip of her drink "So what are we playing?"

Bucky watched as you smiled at him, clambering onto the sofa behind him and curling your legs up underneath yourself. God you looked just as amazing as this morning in the training room, leggings and a vest shirt, no makeup but still the most beautiful girl in the room. He sighed, leaning his head backwards to rest on the sofa and catch you eye. You were still smiling at him, you winking slightly and ran a hand through his soft hair, watching as he closed his eyes in appreciation.

The game was continuing, but you were only half focusing on it, your other half was too busy playing with Bucky's hair and wondering what would happen if you pulled just a little too hard out here in front of your friends.

"Y/N," Wanda's voice from next to you on the sofa cut you off of your thoughts "Truth of dare?"

"Well everyone else seems to be boring tonight," you flashed a glance at Wanda and Vision who had both chosen truth "So I'll go dare."

There was a pause of three seconds silence before Steve piped up "I dare you to kiss Bucky."

Your eyebrows all but shot through the roof. Had Bucky told Steve? Had he just figured it out? Was he trying to get the two of you together not knowing that you already where?

You lowered your eyebrows casually, looking down to Bucky. You'd mentioned it this morning that maybe you could start telling people, had he started already? The look on his face answered that question, lip slightly lifted to the left, playful glint in his eye. Yeah, he'd told Steve. You weren't mad, you had both agreed you could, but he hadn't told you he'd told him. But then again there hadn't been very many opportunities for speaking in private today...

"Y/N?" Wanda clicked her fingers in front of your face "Are you going to do it?"

"Only if Bucky doesn't mind."

You got a smile in response, his hand coming up to rest on your hip, "Doll, saying no to kissing you isn't possible."

You laughed, forgetting anyone else was there instantly and leaning down to kiss him fully without hesitation.

You only remembered other people where in the room when the silent moment of you gazing into Bucky's eyes was interrupted by Tony.

"Wow, I didn't think you'd actually do it."

"Well it's not like the first time we've kissed," you shrugged, looking down at Bucky for approval. His smile said go for it "It'd be weird if we hand't seeing as he's my boyfriend."

Uproar, chaos, pure noise. Natasha and Wanda all but attacked you, yanking you off of the sofa and hugging you and squealing in your ear about how proud they were of you, then for some reason Clint did too and finally you got a hug off of Steve telling you he was happy for you.

When you finally got pulled away from your friends, you immediately saw Bucky being interrogated by the science squad, so you dove in before it could get too much, setting Bruce and Tony straight despite their good intentions.

You all sat down again after a moment, this time Bucky pulling you into his lap, you accepting it quickly.

"So I don't think we're getting anything juicer than that out of this game." Sam threw a wink at you "Just glad Barnes hasn't killed me for flirting with his girl."

"Oh, I nearly did," Bucky chuckled, squeezing your hips "It's a really good thing she's great at convincing me."

"So how long has this been going on?" Natasha couldn't seem to help but smile at the pair of you.

"Three weeks and four days," Bucky shot you a look but you shushed him by rolling your eyes "Oh come on, you've got it down the the days at least too."

"Oh I am going to kill you for not telling me," Nat lost her smile as you stuck your tongue out at her.

The rest of the evening past by in a blur, laughter friends and drinks filling the room and you with so much love that you were sure you were never going to forget this moment.


	26. House of Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I don't want to be afraid the deeper that I go."

Bucky showed you he loved you before he said it.

He showed you in the way he would hold your hand after a mission, or how he would always let you go in the shower first, or in the way he made love to you.

Bucky hadn't ever felt something like this for somebody; not in the 40s and definitely not during his time with Hydra. But it wasn't a bad thing.

Sure it knocked him sideways when he realised what it was, and you took him off guard, but it was amazing. Falling for you, falling in love with you had been the best thing that had ever happened to him, mostly because you felt the same way.

You started to show Bucky that you loved him two days after you realised he was showing and not telling you explicitly.

You showed him in the way you would hold him after a mission, in the way you would bake his favourite cookies when he was sad, when you would run and jump on him because you could see he wanted you to.

And it was terrifying. You'd never felt this way about anyone ever before, even though you'd tricked yourself into thinking that you had.

But with Bucky it was magnetic, electric, exciting, peaceful, right.

Magnetic in that you were drawn to each other, electric in the way you kissed and made each other feel, exciting in the way you pushed each other to be better people, peaceful in that you could happily spend hours with him not saying anything or saying everything. And just right. Like a missing piece of the puzzle neither of you thought you would ever find.

Three weeks after he started showing you he loved you, two months and seventeen days into the relationship, he found you in the kitchen, blurry eyed and messy haired, sleeves pulled past your fingertips as you waited for the coffee machine to be finished.

He crept behind you, encasing you in his arms and kissing your neck.

He mumbled something about wanting you to be in bed with him and you chuckled, taking the coffee and pouring it into two mugs.

"I thought you'd enjoy this in bed," you replied, stirring in the sugar "I didn't want to wake you up until I had the coffee ready."

Bucky smiled against your skin, pulling you impossibly close "God, I love you." he breathed against the warm soft flesh, holding you to him as if the light inside of you that made you so good and pure and kind and drew him to you might make you fade away.

You couldn't help the smile that spread across your features, happiness consuming you from those three simple words.

"Well it's a good thing I love you too then, isn't it," you turned, wrapping your hands around his neck "''Cause otherwise you wouldn't be getting coffee."

Bucky's face was unreadable for a second. His thought train going a million miles an hour. You loved him. You said you loved him. You felt the same way about him as he did you. You with your beautiful laugh and bubbly personality. You who took care of people. Who was kinder than anybody else he'd ever met, sarcastic and funny and a little clumsy and slightly nerdy and perfect in his eyes. You loved him.

As the thoughts crossed his mind they flashed across his face for you to see. Shock, confusion, amazement.

"How many times do I have to tell you?" you whispered, cupping his cheek with your hand "Everything you were, everything you've done, I accept it. You're not the man they made you. You're not full of darkness like you want everyone to think," you smiled as he looked at you "You're Bucky. You're kind and sweet and funny and caring. You're an awesome friend and your heart is so big. You're amazing. And I love you more than anybody else in the world."

The beam that lit up his face was magical. He couldn't hold it back as he leant down to kiss you, picking you up by your waist to hold you as close as possible.

He loved you so damn much, and he was never going to let you go.


	27. Autumn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Autumn is my favourite season and I'm so glad it's here

The rain had been coming down hard all day and all night, the raindrops that collected on the ledges of the window panes were enormous, the sound ricocheting off of the pipes in the walls as a loud clinking. Petrichor had invaded the entire city within twenty minutes, only to be washed away by its' own cause; the air outside bit and chased at the passers by on the streets below, rushing in and out of shops in some search of a corner that hadn't been drenched without much luck.

You loved the rain, how it brought life to the plants and animals and rivers, how violent it could be as it thrashed against the windows with the wind, how the petrichor felt as if it touched your very soul, how it could wash away all of your mistakes and bring about a sense of freshness when it left. 

Right now you were enjoying watching people run around below the tower with their umbrellas hoods up, hiding themselves, shielding themselves as you stood with your hand pressed tightly against the window pane. They looked like ants, tiny and unimportant. But they were important, every single one of them had a story to tell, a life to live, a funny joke to share or a sad memory to talk about. Every single one of them was as real and true as you were right now, breathing, feeling, living in some sense or another.

Thinking about them like ants or thinking about them as humans with thoughts and feelings and families was what separated you from the people that you fought with in this job. 

Tony had been planning on having a barbeque up on the roof,but that plan had completely gone out of the window when the rain had begun plummeting down to touch everyone and everything in its' path. It was slightly ironic you thought, that Tony's final attempt to cling on desperately to the summer months he loved so much would be destroyed by the perfect autumnal weather.

You'd loved this weather for the entirety of your life. Auttumn was full of the most beautiful colours and moments, it was a close one tied with winter. You couldn't understand why people hated them so much, sure it wasn't the beginning of life like spring was or the middle of life like summer was, but they both held so much beauty in them too. Sure, you could look at them like the ending of life with the death of the leaves and stuff, but nothing can live without death. If the trees didn't loose their leaves, they couldn't grow new ones and flowers and fruits, if the rivers didn't freeze over certain animals wouldn't survive. It was the cycle of life, and there was something far more comforting in that for you than the boiling summer days and new springing flowers.

You were dragged out of your thoughts by a pair of warm hands slipping around your waist to bring you close to a warm chest, a nose running softly along your shoulder blades before resting in the crook of your neck.

You smiled. Bucky in the autumn was good too. The first time you'd come to the tower was the trail ends of winter as the animals came out of hibernation. You'd seen him all through the spring and summer, struggling with the short sleeves and his body. You'd seen him annoyed at the fact he burned so hot all the time, despite the sweltering heat. But now he'd started wearing long sleeves he could hide his hands inside, leaving his hair down rather than bothering with putting it up. Auttumn also meant you could cuddle up to him in blankets and claim his warmth as your own, could be more comfortable.

Slipping your hands over where his rested on your stomach, you leaned your head back as he kissed you briefly "Hey, stranger."

"Hi, princess," he smiled, intertwining his fingers with yours. You didn't care if other people said that autumn was the season of death, you felt alive. You could be open with your relationship, you could be his entirely and damn the consequences. You were living.

Bucky hummed against the skin your tank top exposed underneath your overly large knitted cardigan "Tony wants us up on the roof," he mumbled, swaying lightly from side to side with you.

"It's tipping it down, what on earth could he want?" you grumbled, leaning your head against Bucky's shoulder "Plus it's going to be cold up there..."

"I'll keep you warm," he smirked against your skin. You turned to him slightly in response, one eyebrow raised as you took in his three quarter length henley and dark blue jeans and then down to yourself in your warm scarf cardigan, jeans and boots combo. His hands had moved from being intertwined with yours to wrap entirely around you, taking in the warmth from your jacket.

"You sure about that?" You chuckled, turning to face him and wrap your hands around his neck "'Cause right now it looks like it's in reverse."

He just smiled in response, leaning down to kiss your briefly, still managing to take your breath away with the simple action "We should go up to the roof and see what Stark wants."

You grumbled slightly, not wanting to get wet like everyone else without a damn good reason, failing to stop the smile that fixed onto your features when you heard Bucky chuckle at your grumpiness.

The pair of you wrapped around each other in the elevator, enjoying the warmth and closeness and serenity. Bucky stayed in the same position when the lift glided to a stop on the top floor, pushing the pair of your forward. You couldn't help but laugh as he took you and easily lifted you up, walking the pair of you over to where Tony was standing over a barbeque and the others were sitting on various different seating arrangements.

When Bucky dropped you back in front of him, ignoring the groans from the rest of the group, you looked up to see how in the hell Tony had done this. There was some kind of shield resting on top of the group, floating almost. Large heat lamps kept the rest of the group warm on the soft chairs.

You smiled, enjoying that sometimes Tony was just a little too stubborn, and that you'd never grow tired of this group of people as you all sat and chatted and ate good food together.


	28. The Good, The Bad, And The Dirty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Truth is that it was always going to end."

"Adalene Rosa Summers, born 19th October 1988 to Arabella (Martin) Summers and Gabriel Summers in the Lakewood General Hospital in New Hampshire, New England.

"Gabriels Summers, Financial advisor born in Brooklyn (NY) in 1958 and Arabella Summers, Composer, born in 1957 both died in a car accident on 21st December, 1996. Adalene, who according to a family friend was in the car at the time, never had her body recovered despite both of her parents being found dead in the vehicle. The cause of the crash is at this time unclear, although some have speculated that winter weather contributed. The family where on their way to a Christmas party of a friend of Arabella's, to which they never arrived. 

"If anyone has any information regarding Adalene Summers or recognises the picture printed below of the girl with her family, please do not hesitate to dial 000 in order to give us the information"

A sob escaped your throat as you looked down at the picture that accompanied the article you had just finished reading. Natasha had given you a huge thick brown file three weeks ago, ahead of the current mission you were half an hour off of going on. You hadn't dared to touch it until right now. The team was going into to an old HYDRA base, somewhere you had instantly recognised as your first memory of your family. This was like some kind of preparation, or some kind of closure before doing what you knew you might have to do.

The newspaper clipping showed a small smiling girl, dressed to the nines and sat in the middle of a beaming mother and father. It was you, you could see it was you from the smile. You looked so much like your mother that it made you bite down on your lip. The three of you looked so much more like a family than the other people who claimed to be your family, like a missing puzzle piece you didn't know was gone. 

Following the black and white newspaper there was a file detailing your arrival at HYDRA fully in russian. You could barely read the chicken scrawl scratch of your father, but you fought through it, desperate for the information you'd been deprived of as a child. 

"Following the Extract and Destroy mission on the 21st of December 1996 , I, Ostavlyat Alexei bought the young child of the targets back into my home. It is my belief that as she has survived the crash caused by exposure to element FL9.2 she will be able to work as a catalyst for the element once she has been trained and initiated into HYDRA. Alongside the child formerly known as Marcustio Rossi (Renamed to John Ostavlyat) she will become the subject of routine testing.

"I will begin by wiping the girl of her memories whilst she is unconscious and put her into cryo for the time being whilst I construct new memories for herself and her new brother in order to properly integrate them into the community and life we will be establishing for them as part of this experiment."

You continued to shift through the file, medical documents detailing your arrival and cryofreeze, the adding of your new memories, the taking of your old ones. Alexei's journal told you about the daily run of the mill, whenever he wiped you John or whenever he seemed to have a break through. Just as you had thought when you were younger, John was more susceptible to Anna and Alexei, meaning he was the preferred child. You continued to leaf through the worn pages, all of them seemed to be pretty standard until the one dated from January 4th, 2007. 

"Y/N doesn't have the memories that I placed in her when she first arrived with us. I worry for her. She is smart and has had to be wiped a total of thirteen times for interacting with the asset. Her fighting skills lack finesse and she seems unwilling to be involved in either mine or Anna's work any longer. She leaves for university in September, despite mine and Anna's disapproval of the idea. If she goes to university she may change into something we can no longer change and the experiment will have been wasted. John shows no signs of reacting to the element FL9.2, but Y/N reacts well every time she is given more, whether she knows it is in her system or not."

A deep breath dragged into your lips and back out slowly, your eyes closing. You almost threw the journal across the room in your disgust and anger at what they had done to you, what they had done to John. How dare they? How dare they put children that small and innocent through so much pain just for their own personal gain? How dare they do that to anyone?

The heat in your palms was building, and it took you a second to push it back down inside of you where it belonged instead of totalling Tony's nice breakfast bar. You pushed the reading material further away from you, harshly swiping at the angry tears the brimmed in your eyes.

You weren't their puppet any longer. You weren't a weapon for them to use, you were your own person. And sure, the powers could be terrifying, but that was life. Life was always going to give people things they didn't think they wanted or that felt like a curse, and this was no exception. It was just the hand you had been dealt. You had to deal with it the best you could, no matter how scary it seemed at first.

Enough people would be scared of you if you were in the real world, but you couldn't control their fear. Only your own fear of hurting others.

"Are you ok, Y/N?" Nat's voice caught you off guard, making you jump slightly from where you'd been watching the light snow begin to cover New York and indulging in your thoughts.

"Yeah," you shuddered, suddenly cold in your uniform despite it being mostly leather and warm army boots, whether from the weather or your worrying thoughts you couldn't tell "Harsh reading material," you half laughed, running a hand through your hair shortly, standing up to face her "Are we going?"

"Just waiting on the boys," she offered you a small smile, turning to look back at the doorway where there was no sign of anybody else.

"It's always the way," you joked, raising an eyebrow, dusting off your trousers.

"Are you sure you're ok?" Bucky asked, adam's apple bobbing slightly. 

You nodded, rubbing the back of your neck lightly "Yeah, just ready to get this over with."

"Let's get on with it then," Clint beamed as he came into the room followed by Steve "Let's go kick some HYDRA butt."


	29. The Good, The Bad, And The Dirty pt 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I know what it's like to have to trade the ones that you love for the ones you hate."

Cold, tangy air blew past your face, making the remaining leaves of the tree you crouched in with Bucky whisper amongst themselves. The bitter cold engulfed you, making your lips and nose slightly numb and you breath just visible to the pair of you in the branches. 

Snow continued to swirl around your head, it had seemingly followed you all the way here from America, except now it had begun to stick the cold hard ground below. There wasn't much going on down there right now, the large house you recognised as your parents home had all of the light visible in the many windows, people occasionally moving past them. 

You'd never seen it this busy, it must have been a new kind of base since the fall of HYDRA because you couldn't remember your parents ever being the party type. 

They weren't your parents, you had to keep reminding yourself of that. It would be easier by far to bring them in if you didn't think of them as related to you. They took you and hurt you, turned you into a weapon for their own gain, did the same to John. They didn't deserve the mantle of parenthood. 

The anger fueled the literal fire inside of you, warming your fingertips and body so much that you stopped shaking and instead allowed the cold exterior focus that you took on during every mission to cover your face.

"We're at the back gate," Natasha's voice was suddenly in your ear, announcing that the systems of tunnels your remembered from being a child had bought her and Clint to where you had predicted it would.

"Stay true for another two minutes then turn left, it'll bring you out in the top right of the garden. There should be a pipe you can climb up to get into my old room from there," you breathed into your receiver, clutching your left fist "Be careful."

"When am I not?" You could hear the smirk in Nat's voice "Tell it to Barton."

You rolled your eyes, smiling despite yourself "Good luck." You pressed your earpiece, silencing the pair of them before their bickering could get any of you in trouble. 

Silence passed between you and Bucky for a long time, both of your eyes trained on the garden below the tree you were crouched in, waiting for some sign of movement. You were concentrating so hard his voice shocked you somewhat.

"I killed them."

You turned back round to him, confusion etched on your face, ready to ask him what on earth he was talking about when you saw his face. He was talking about your parents, the pain and horror written all over his face. 

You were wondering when he'd figure it out. Although the report hadn't mentioned the asset specifically, you'd known it was him from the way that it was phrased. He must have seen the photo of your parents. He'd admitted to you before that he remembered the faces of everyone he'd killed.

But you also knew that he wasn't just guilty about killing them. If he'd figured out that they were your parents, that meant he knew that if he hadn't killed them then you wouldn't have been in this situation right now. You wouldn't have been hurt so badly, tortured, nearly killed. You could have been happy.

At least you had an explanation for how quiet he had been on the flight over.

You turned in your positioning, legs hanging off either side of the branch, ignoring the tactical disadvantage and grabbing his arm so he was forced to look at you.

"I know," you whispered, a sad smile ghosting over your lips "And I'm not annoyed or angry or sad or mad at you."

His confused eyes looked at you, gripping onto the branch tightly "What?"

"It was you, I know. But it wasn't. Not this you anyway. The you I know would never do anything to hurt me or anybody he cared about. You're forgetting that I don't really remember them and that I spent all of the life that I can remember watching the evil and horrific things HYDRA did to people every day. To _you _everyday, Buck. Sure I may not have been hurt as badly if they had lived and I hadn't had been taken in by the Ostavlyat's. But that would also mean that you wouldn't be here with me, that you wouldn't love me. It would mean that I was never able to love you. And I know for certain that my mother and father would be so happy to know that I've found my soulmate and that I'm happy, regardless of how I got here. So don't you dare beat yourself up for them. I forgive you, and I know they would too. Capisce?"__

__Bucky looked at you silently, his eyes tracing over your featured one at a time like he was trying to commit you entirely to memory. He leaned in, his eyes closed as his forehead fell against yours, clutching you as tightly to him as possible._ _

__"What did I ever do to deserve you?"_ _

__You smiled, leaning up to kiss his forehead "Broken people tend to have a way of gravitating towards their missing pieces."_ _

__Bucky pulled back, looking at you softly with his hand cupped around your cheek. He closed his eyes again, leaning in to kiss you when Clint's voice crackled through your ear and brought you back to the present situation you were in._ _

__"Y/N, you're going to want to see this."_ _


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some memories aren't meant to be left behind

You spun round on the branch as quickly as you could, balancing yourself right on the edge and jumping onto the piping on the side of the house. You barely made it, fingers just digging into the frozen plastic to drag yourself up and into the open window of what used to be your old bedroom.

It hadn't seemed to change much as first glance, a small sad single bed with grey sheets and a single pillow and teddy bear. A bookshelf at the end of the bed and a desk with a radio on it, all covered in dust. No posters, no photos, nothing that screamed a child once lived here let alone a teenager. 

You inhaled deeply through your nostrils, the dust motes flying in the air space between you and Nat as you took it all in, the fire inside you quenching somewhat to be replaced with water brimming in your eyes as you noticed what was on the walls that wasn't supposed to be.

When you had lived in this room, when you had occupied the space, you'd been told to not put things on the walls. The few personal belongings you had were the bear and your books, which had been abandoned when you'd left for university and subsequently the army.

But now the walls were lined with pictures. Starting at the window, you stared at pictures of yourself in town, with the other members of the team, from your time in the army, from your time in university, from your time with HYDRA all the way back to before they'd taken you. When your parents were alive.

You ignored the nagging instinct to run away that the more modern pictures installed in you, taking confident steps over where you knew the floor would creak to the same picture of you, your mother and your father that you had seen in the newspaper. 

Trembling, you reached out and plucked it from the wall, shaky fingertips running over the smiling faces. You wished for a second that you could remember some part of them besides the fact that they loved you. You stared at their faces, so unsuspecting, so sure and happy and it made you feel slightly sick.

You looked back up to the wall, noticing the SHIELD logo printed over some kind of document. You scanned it quickly, most of it seemed like blather, but there at the bottom was your father's name printed in bold followed by his signature.

You continued to look at the wall, more and more SHIELD symbols becoming apparent to you, all with different dates, mostly signatured by your father, but there were some by your mother too. 

"They were SHIELD," you mumbled, looking back down to the photo in your hands again "They worked at SHIELD..."

A tear slipped past your cheek, and you shut your eyes in defiance. You couldn't let this get to you right now. You needed to focus on the mission. Letting out a deep breath, you clenched your fists and looked back up to where you had taken the photo from, noticing a small hand scribbled note that had been pinned underneath.

"My dearest Adalene," it read in the hurried cursive "I fear I must write this now, or else I will never get to tell you how proud of you. How I know that no matter what happens tonight, we will always love you. That we are so sorry if we have to leave you."

You tore it from the wall, continuing to read.

"I can remember when you were first born. I held you in my arms and told you how wonderful you were going to be. Eight years later and you still haven't disappointed me. You are kind and compassionate and wise beyond your years. You stand up for others and have the same heart as your mother and the same level headedness as myself. Words cannot express the gratitude I feel for you getting the best of both of us.

"A few days ago you had a nightmare. You came into my study, I was working on my final mission report for SHIELD. It was three in the morning, and with tears streaming down your face you came and crawled into my lap and sat there until I was ready to talk to you. 

"You told me all about the nightmare, how you thought that Mama and I where going to go somewhere you couldn't see us anymore and that you were going to forget us. Sometimes I wonder if you see the future in your dreams, because it may happen sooner than I had planned.

"Tears were streaming down your little face, and I held you close and promised you that no matter what I would never let you go. I told you that no matter what, the shadows you saw in your dreams could never hurt you, that they would never be able to put out your light. I so hope you remember that. I love you so much. We both do, your mother and I.

"But there's a war going on outside your window without you being able to see it. I don't think very many people can, the director refuses to believe that HYDRA still exists, refutes the fact that there's a mole within the organisation. I fear we may be their next target.

"If that happens, when it happens just please remember that we love you. One day you will know the truth. One day you will be the woman we have always known you will be. You will be amazing.

"Sincerely, truthfully and forever yours, 

Gabriel Peter Sumers - Your loving father." 

You were shaking even more now, they had known they were going to die. They'd known and there was nothing they could have done to stop it. Anna and Alexei Ostavlyat were going to pay for what they did to them.

You turned to your team mates, tears streaming down your face.

"Y/N, I'm sorry, we shouldn't have come, we can go do this another time-"

"I screamed when the car crashed. They wouldn't respond to me. I kept screaming, crying, begging for them to not leave me there alone. And they knew it might have happened. The Ostavlyat's, HYDRA burned everything I had to the ground." your eyes flickered to Bucky shortly "They've hurt far too many people for this to go on any longer. They need to be stopped."

"Y/N, you can't change what happened." Clint sounded quietly.

You nodded, folding the picture and tucking it into one of your back pockets "I know. All of that's dead and past and gone. But I can stop it from happening to anybody else," your determination covered your face, flowing through your body as the fire once again lit inside of you "I can stop anybody else from having to say goodbye before they're ready because of HYDRA ever again."

The three of them looked at you, how you were shaking and scary. Determined and furious and dangerous.

A click came from behind you as the door swung open, you turned, wide eyed as you watched three men stand in front of the door, guns held out. Everything seemed to turn into slow motion. You grabbed a knife from Bucky's belt, slashing the bed and moving your hands so the liquid from the mattress flowed in front of the four of you to create a barrier as the bullets began to fly.

When the ricotething noise in your ears stopped your ears stopped ringing, you opened your eyes to see the three men staring at you through the water. The water had slowed the bullets enough to stop them, but the three men weren't going to stop. You moved quickly, pushing the water forward, bullets surging and lodging themselves in the mens calves, the water rendering them unconscious.

You turned back to your friends, eyes wide as you assessed the situation.

"Well there goes being quiet about it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! Not dead, not in another dimension, just kicking butt in this one and graduating with a 3.7 GPA! Thank you all for your continued support and love for this series, it means so much to me that you guys are enjoying reading it as much as I am writing it. Hopefully now things will be a little less hectic and I will be able to post more regularly. I really do appreciate all of the love and comments, so thank you once more <3


	31. The Good, The Bad, And The Dirty pt 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I have no excuses

"There's only 2 ways that this thing can go - good or bad"

Anna Ostavlyat had been many things when she was in your life. A fierce fighter, a strict mother, a leader.

But right now, with Alexei and John by her side blocking your way, she was furious. You could see it in the glare of her boxy eyes, thin upper lip pulling above her teeth in a snarl.

The alarms had been silenced, but the sprinklers were still on from where you'd attacked someone with fire, barely in control of the anger that was currently fueling you. The basement you were in was soaked, the smell of damp mildew and old furnishing covering everything. You could have stopped it, but what was the point.

You'd fought hard enough just to get the three of them into a position where you could trap them, taking down twenty HYDRA scum before even batting an eyelash. Your team mates were elsewhere, doing what needed to be done whilst you had given chase to your so called family when you had spotted them in the living room, finally managing to corner them in the basement.

Adrenaline coursed through your system, your breathing heavy as you stared down the barrel of your father figures gun, pointed directly at your skull. 

Alexei had a gun, John had a knife, and Anna had her fury. When you'd been with them before, they had never been a physically or mentally close as they were right now. They were your enemy right now, and you were theirs. There was only one way this would end now, in a fight, and only two ways that could go.

"We don't have to do this," your voice carried above the noise of the sprinklers still whirring and sending droplets down on your heads "You can surrender and come with us. If you do, it'll be better for everyone."

"бред сивой кобылы (Bull shit)," John spat back at you, breaking his facade for a second "You know just as well as we do that that isn't going to happen, Y/N."

You flinched slightly at his tone. John had been the one constant good in the world that you had been forced into as a child. He had played with you, helped you with your homework, confronted bullies at school. He wasn't a bad person, he'd just been led to believe that he was a good one.

"You're wrong, John," your voice barely came out how you wanted it to, it shook slightly around the edges "You can walk away from this. They turned you into a killer, you don't have to live like that."

"достаточно! (Enough!)" your mother barked in her harsh, gravelly tone "This isn't a peace conference, Y/N. Move, let us leave, let us continue with our mission or die."

You looked at the floor for half a second, debating internally. PRior to being held and captured you'd never of even stood a chance against Anna in hand to hand, let alone three fully trained HYDRA officials. But you weren't who you had been when they had raised you. You were strong, stronger than they knew. And full of fire and rage that was barely controllable at this point.

Your eyes hardened as you looked up at them, your decision clearly written on your face. 

You glided forward seamlessly, sending a flying punch to John whilst he wasn't expecting it, sending him flying backwards into the wall with a bloody nose. 

Anna came at you, her fists swinging as she prepared to take you down. You'd seen this move a hundred times before in training with Bucky, something she had taught him. You ducked swiftly, kicking your leg out to swoop her down onto the ground, her head landing hard against the concrete. You straddled her, knocking her fists down into the ground when she tried to reach up for your throat.

"If it were up to me, I wouldn't be going so easy on you," you spat, earning a growl from the high cheeked woman "But I have orders." You removed one of your hands from her wrists, charging them with just enough electricity to knock her unconscious as you pressed them to her forehead, finally managing to land one on her temple despite her thrashing her head around and screaming for help. 

Your eyes caught movement in your peripheral vision as John stood up and began to come at you once again. 

You vaulted off of Anna, catching your brothers fist in your own as he started to swing at you, twisting it backwards so it was pinned behind his back uncomfortably "I told you we don't have to do this, John."

He growled in response, forcing you to twist his arm further so it was more painful "It always ends in a fight."

"It doesn't have to!" you yelled above the sound of fighting and heavy boots coming towards you down the stairs "You can choose to be better! You don't have to kill people just because they tell you to!" Rage fueled you, turning your hands painfully hot against John's olive flesh.

He used your anger against you, twisting out of the hold you had on him and forcing you against the wall, his knife to your throat. "I do it because this world needs to be cleansed for the new order to take over. I do it to rid the world of horrors like you."

You gasped as the cold metal dug into your skin, sending a bead of deep red blood dribbling down your neck, the words cutting you deeper than the blade. Your older brother, someone you'd always thought would protect you. But you left him, abandoned him with HYDRA. And they'd sunk their claws into him further than you could have possibly dared to dread.

"Johnny," you gasped, vision going black and fuzzy around the corners,part of your brain reverting to back when you were a child with him "Johnny please, you promised..."

John seemed to falter for a second, his eyes going wide and the pressure on your neck releasing for a second as he registered the tone of your voice, it taking it back to when you were children.

It was long enough for a metal fist to collide with the side of his head, sending him sprawling to the ground.

You dragged in a breath, hand clutching your throat as your vision and rational thinking came back to you. Bucky had a hand on your shoulder, looking at you worriedly. You smiled as much as you could manage, eyes brimming with tears.

He went to pull you in for a hug, but your eyes landed on where Alexei stood in the corner, his gun long forgotten in the water which was now at your ankles, breathing heavily. He looked terrified, his bright blue eyes wide and afraid. You moved from Bucky, crossing over to Alexei and standing at your full height to face him.

"I don't want to fight you, either," you admitted somewhat sorely "But if I have to I will take you out too."

"You weren't mine biologically, but we're still family," the blond pleaded with you, eyes darting occasionally to Bucky who was still standing behind you "You're the one good that ever came from me being with HYDRA or your mother. Please, Y/N, don't hurt me."

You frowned, Alexei had never said things like this before.

"Where was that when John was forced to kill people?" You took a step closer "When Anna would beat us so we were black and blue?" another step "When Barnes was made to be a puppet?" another step "When I wanted to be free and you tried to stop me?"

You were right up in his face now, the same height as him and full of rage, bristling with negative emotions. Alexei said nothing, his face fearful and rightly so.

"прости, папа.(I'm sorry, papa)" you charged your fingers, moving them forward to gently rest on his cheek before delivering the right amount of electricity to send him to the floor "But I just don't believe you."


	32. Impossible Year

You turned to Bucky, breathing heavily through your nose. He looked up from where Alexei had hit the floor, a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth when he saw you smiling at him. 

Bucky took a step towards you just as the first shot rang out. 

Bang. 

A sharp pain pierced your lower abdomen as the slug ripped through your lower intestine and out the front of your stomach, blood oozing slowly from the new wound. You looked down, everything seemed to slow to a near stand still. Your eyes looking with those steely blue ones then down to your wound, hand instinctively going to cover it. 

Bang. Bang. 

Two more slugs, one slightly higher than the first, also tearing a new hole in your body, the second in your middle back, penetrating your lung. 

A body hit the floor. You assumed from how quickly it happened and that you were still standing, someone else must have taken out whoever had shot you. 

How ironic. You'd become something so great, so powerful, and you'd been taken out by some Hydra runt you'd never see the face of. 

Your knees gave out first from beneath, you watched as Bucky ran and caught you in slow motion, cradling your shaking form in his arms as someone yelled about evac and a med team.

You clutched to him, your man, your great man and smiled the best you could. The darkness was coming at you from all directions, clouding your vision and blurring your mind until only one thing remained. 

Bucky screamed at the top of his lungs for evac, Natasha moved in towards your stomach, trying to apply pressure to stop the bleeding. But Bucky could see it already. The colour was draining from your face, blood already probably filling your lungs. 

"No, no, Rosa, stay with me doll. Come on, keep those pretty eyes on me baby girl. Stay alive, you hear me? You've just got to hang on a little longer, I promise I'll get out of this, I promise we can do anything you want after, I promise-"

"Bucky," you croaked out, throat sounding thick. 

"Yeah doll?" Bucky sobbed, looking down into your eyes. But they weren't looking at him, they were looking through him to somewhere only you could see.

"We're going to miss it if we don't hurry." You smiled softly

"Miss what?" Bucky wound his fingers tightly around yours. 

"The fireworks," your voice was getting softer and softer, you were fading away "That's why we came to Coney island, right? For the fireworks?" 

Bucky chuckled, leaning down and kissing your forehead as a tear slid down his cheek "Yeah doll, we don't want to miss the fireworks."

"Good," you mumbled, giving his hand a squeeze and seemingly coming back to look at him for a second "Because that's when I knew I loved you."

You smiled softly, pushing all of the energy you had left into one final squeeze of your fingers before drawing in one last rattly breath and letting go of life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I've taken this are far as I can. I've poured my blood sweat and tears into it and I can give this story no more life. I hope you enjoy the ending, and please feel free to check out any of my new work. Good luck, fellow atom clusters.

**Author's Note:**

> OMG I ACTUALLY DID IT


End file.
